I have a goal! ...crap.

On my way to the gym today, or was it on my way to class, or maybe on my way home from class… anyways - in the car at some point today I had this thought, “I could compete.” I’ve often toyed with the idea of being a figure athlete, setting a date and working my ass off towards it. I’ve seen covers of fitness magazines and thought “I can totally get those abs” (or on good months, “I totally have those abs”).

I know my way around a gym, haven’t met an oly bar I didn’t love (except maybe those broken ones with the sliding collars at the PAC back in the day). I know my way on a mat, around most injuries, I can navigate a grocery store with my eyes closed and rattle off more nutritional information and ingredients than is even possibly considered normal. I can cook my way around allergies, intolerances, and vegan adventures. So, I have the knowledge.

Do I have the time? I have a job that affords me tons of flexible hours and access to multiple gyms. It also has me connected to countless resources on training, fitness, nutrition, etc. I’m completely single, so I schedule for one, cook for one and sleep for one. So holy crap, do I ever have the time.

Finally, do I have the motivation? Why not. I’m already training pretty regularly as it is, why not make it just a teensy bit harder and work towards a solid goal. What’s it going to take? A regular program, solid dedication, a cleaned up diet, copious amounts of epsom salt baths, and maybe a boob job. Well, maybe not the last one. I’m still recovering from having my one wisdom tooth removed.

What’s this mean? Well, the more I think about it, the more I’m talking myself out of it. So before I manage to do that completely, here goes.

I’m going to be on the cover of a fitness magazine in 6 months.

Yep. You read that right.

Someone has to, why shouldn’t it be me? Now I just have to figure out how to get there. Crap. (If I fail at this, I’ll be competing in a fitness competition instead.)

On why my wrist says LIFT

Life Is F*ing Tough. In that sense that getting up every morning is a battle. That sometimes crawling out of bed is more than I can wrap my head around. It’s tough in that I have found more concrete walls to smash my head into than doors to walk through. It’s tough in that every time I turn around thinking I’ve got things a little more figured out, I find some new hurdle to bang my knees into. It’s tough in that every time I think I’m getting a little less sick, a little less “broken,” a little more normal, something else comes up and I have to start all over. It’s tough in that I spent the last four years hearing that I’m “broken” and I’m through with hearing and accepting that, but still trying to glue myself back together.

So I lift. I lift to get stronger, to get more prepared for the crap the world has to load on my shoulders. I lift to get better, to stay focused, and to stay at least a tiny bit ahead of the curve. I lift because no one expects me to, and no one is telling me to. I lift because the iron doesn’t lie, gravity doesn’t change. I lift because some days it’s the only way I know how to cope. I lift because I can.

I hope to one day, maybe someday, be able to add an “ed” to the end of my LIFT. To make it all past tense, and to maybe put a “so it goes” underneath it. I hope to someday put the constant head-against-concrete smashing behind me and to simply have it as a reminder. Because I really don’t want to believe that it’s always going to be this tough. Because the little dreamer still left in me really wants to believe that somewhere, at some point down the road it gets a little easier.

Until that happens, if that happens, I’m ‘lift’ing the best I know how. I’m making the most of my crazy, and doing what I can to enjoy it. I’m teaching yoga as my “job” (in quotes because honestly, I get paid to work in my pajamas teaching people how to move their bodies around on a mat – something I’d do for free) because I love it and I want to see where it takes me. I’m rattling around this big-tiny apartment with just my cat for company because I don’t want to live with anybody else right now. I’m contemplating going back to school because I don’t ever want to stop learning or divorce myself from academia; I love the challenge, the hoops, and the constant battle to prove myself capable. I’ve turned my back on this notion of joining the ‘real world’ for the sake of following my whims and passions instead, because right now I have nothing to lose.

Am I trying to justify my decision? Not at all. For all you know, I really wanted it to say “LEFT” and the inept tattoo artist goofed, which is likely what I’ll tell you if you ask me in person. I’m not in the business of justifying those decisions that affect me and me alone anymore. It wasn’t very profitable. This is just my reasoning, in words on paper because I needed to remind myself that it’s not there to remind me life is tough, that fact is plenty obvious, but to remind me of what I can do about it.

Namaste.

Good to Great?

I just finished devouring Jim Collins’ Good to Great this week, and find myself thinking of it more in personal than business terms as it was intended. Throughout the book, written to decode the secrets between ‘good’ and ‘great’ comanies, Collins constantly refers to “getting the wrong people off the bus and the right people on the bus in the right seats.”

Looking back at the last year or so, I’ve been doing just that. Cutting out those who are toxic or ‘energy vampires’ and spending more time with those that I want on my bus. Most of these decisions were pretty clear cut - people were either decidedly right or wrong. The conundrum I’ve run into lately is not with these people, but with those left in the grey area. The ones who might be right if put in the right seats, but who might also just not be a good fit. How many second (or third, fourth, fifth….) chances or “seats” do these people get before being asked to hop off the bus at the next stop? And is it even fair to do that? Is it useful or logical to take principles of business (a known cut-throat world) and apply them to personal development? Should we just pipe down and take people as they are, embracing the inevitable crazy of them all? Are we too quick to eliminate people when they hold a totally different, possibly conflicting set of values?

As I write that, I can’t help but think of some advice a friend gave me right around this time last year as my world was just starting to turn upside down. I asked him, “when do you know enough is enough?” His answer was so simple, “When you need to ask that question.”

Any thoughts?

Yoga for Non-Yogis

So here’s the deal. In order to complete round 4 of my teacher training, I need to teach two classes and have them reviewed. Truth be told, I can just have some of my peers review the classes I’m already teaching but I want to try something a little different. What I’m really hoping to do is teach a class of “Yoga for Non-yoga Guys” but in order to do that, I need some bodies in the room willing to give it a go.

This is where you come in. If you’re at all interested/curious about giving this “yoga” stuff a try, this is your chance. We won’t be doing anything too crazy or “flexibility required” - so no ankles around the head or full standing splits. You know, unless you want to of course.

If this gets any sort of decent response, my hope is to offer a class like this when we open our studio, so I’d really love some feedback.

Please let me know if you are interested, and when works best for you so I can get to work on finding a time to run it.

Rock on!

Day 8

First - I will not be posting on Sundays. With YTT, there is so much information going in that anything coming back out is bound to make little sense to the outside world. So I’ve decided to spare you the hassle of trying to decode it.

My practice today was quiet. I didn’t do much in the physical sense, opting instead to do a little breath work. Asking me to move is easy. Asking me to sit still and breathe - not so much. So today I worked on that. With that being said, I missed the moving practice though I caught up a bit in the 3 classes I taught today. It has me looking forward to tomorrow morning and getting back on my mat to rock it.

I want to take a second here to thank you for checking in and for following along.

Rock on and namaste!

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 6

Today I practiced with a plan. I followed Swenson’s short 30-min series because I’m a little pressed for time, sore, and was feeling uninspired. And that’s exactly how practice felt - a little uninspired. I was distracted, just sort of rolling through the series. It’s not entirely a bad thing - I still feel better for getting on the mat. But for now I’m going back to no plans. I’ve been enjoying just following my breath and seeing where it takes me.

If this were a honeymoon - today would be the day you realize it’s almost over and try to cram everything awesome into what little time you have. You end up feeling scattered and not really enjoying any of it, wishing you’d sunk deep into that hammock and watched waves roll by instead. Only change the hammock for pigeon and waves for breath.

Namaste!

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 5

I don’t have much to say tonight, so I’m not going to waste your time with pointless rambling. Practice today was great. I got up ready to go, and rekindled my love with those seemingly endless salutations. As I worked through them today, rather than getting more tired I got more fired up for the rest of my practice. What started as “maybe I’ll just do 5 of each and a seated meditation before savasana” turned into the full primary, a seated meditation and savasana.

I took my ‘not having a plan’ attitude (and a dose of the Vega Sport Optimizer) to the gym with me again today, and wound up setting a personal best for squats at 120lbs. Might not mean anything to you (or you might just think I’m crazy), but the real point is that by taking away the plan and the restrictions I was able to go way further than I thought. By simply not having a pre-determined foot path to follow I was able to take leaps and bounds instead.

This not having a plan thing is kinda fun once you wrap your head around it. If you’re up for it, give it a try sometime this weekend - but if you’re taking this mantra to the gym I might recommend leaving the Vega behind. You’ll be a little less sorry tomorrow if you do.

Rock on and Namaste!

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 4

I don’t have much to say tonight, so I’m not going to waste your time with pointless rambling. Practice today was great. I got up ready to go, and rekindled my love with those seemingly endless salutations. As I worked through them today, rather than getting more tired I got more fired up for the rest of my practice. What started as “maybe I’ll just do 5 of each and a seated meditation before savasana” turned into the full primary, a seated meditation and savasana.

I took my ‘not having a plan’ attitude (and a dose of the Vega Sport Optimizer) to the gym with me again today, and wound up setting a personal best for squats at 120lbs. Might not mean anything to you (or you might just think I’m crazy), but the real point is that by taking away the plan and the restrictions I was able to go way further than I thought. By simply not having a pre-determined foot path to follow I was able to take leaps and bounds instead.

This not having a plan thing is kinda fun once you wrap your head around it. If you’re up for it, give it a try sometime this weekend - but if you’re taking this mantra to the gym I might recommend leaving the Vega behind. You’ll be a little less sorry tomorrow if you do.

Rock on and Namaste!

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 3

The day you chill out, sit by the pool with some fruity umbrella drink, and watch time roll by. Or in yoga terms, the day I got on my mat with some intentions of rocking the full primary but decided instead to roll through a gentle practice.

Time for an ugly yogi confession. Sometimes, yoga hurts. I got on the mat today with a sore right wrist - a direct consequence of lots of teaching and the way I face my class, my low back that was one false move away from blowing out completely - a cranky response to a return of back-bends to my practice, and that frustrating right hamstring pull from the last 30-day yoga challenge. I lead a pretty physical life, so it’s not often a day goes by that I’m not aching or tight somewhere. Most days, I tough it out, modify what needs to be modified, and I get on with it. But today I wanted to feel good, not be tough. Today, that meant not doing the primary series.

Instead, I did a couple moon salutations, taking extra time to get my hips open and spending less time in modified camel. I worked through some deeper hip openers, taking time in each posture to really settle in. This is one of the great things about a personal practice - it’s just you on the mat. No one telling you what to do or when to do it. It’s also tough for that same reason, as it’s a whole lot easier to skip the tough stuff and stick with the good ones. I think over time it all evens out in the wash though, especially if you continue being a student and going to classes.

On that note of taking classes - I’m giving away a couple ‘thank you’s’ to new bodies that show up to my class this month.

Namaste, and rock on!

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 2

If we keep going with the analogy, today is the day I woke up to find out yoga snores, the airline lost our luggage, and the hotel is going into construction right next to our room. Needless to say - less than a fabulous start. The chattering monkeys were at their best today - arguing, negotiating, complaining at every breath. I thought of giving up a couple times, but played the “just” trick instead. Lets “just” do the standing series and see how it goes. Lets “just” do the next posture and see how we feel. And “just” like that I got through the series. Again - not one of the most enlightening practices, but as always I’m glad I rocked it.

I should also note how GREAT it feels to take savasana. I tend not to take it when I teach, and I haven’t been in class nearly enough lately so it’s been missing for a while. It felt really good to take a couple minutes (or closer to ten) to practice just being. I really recommend giving it a try, even if you don’t regularly (or ever) practice yoga. Lay down on your back with your feet about hip width apart, lay your arms at your sides, palms facing up and close your eyes. Take your attention to your breath and really try to let your mind quiet down. You don’t have to stay for long, but try for about 5-10 minutes.

Let me know how it goes!

November!

After taking October off to show “me” a little love, I’m back and ready to rock. November marks the return of cold weather, another YTT Module under way and being *that* much closer to some asanAWESOME PYS happenings. For this month, we’re going back to basics and rocking the mat for another 30 Days of Yoga Challenge.

For those of you who followed (or even joined us) in May, you might remember what it was all about. For anyone who is new to the party, the rules are simple. For the next 30 days, simply get on your mat. In May, a lot of us focused on exploring the Primary Ashtanga Series (see here to find the Swenson book), but there is no saying you have to. These 30 Days of Yoga can be anything you want them to be - from savasana right through to a full 2-hr practice. All you have to do is show your mat (and consequently yourself) some love every day this month.

If you’re new to yoga, or haven’t tried it yet, now is a great time to check out a class or two and see what it’s all about. Click over to the Schedules tab to see when and where we’re teaching these days.

I won’t speak for the rest of the Pranababes just yet, but I’ll be chronicling my journey here. Feel free to post and share your experiences. Also, don’t be shy about commenting. If our last 30 Days of Yoga is any indicator, we’ll sure need the encouragement at some point! As a bonus, a prize or two might be put up for grabs at the end of the month to those who have supported us along the way.

So go on, pull your mat out of the cupboard and wipe off the dust. Find a nice quiet space somewhere in your house and commit to meeting yourself there for the next 30 days.

Yoga Honeymoon: Day 1

After an epic battle with my alarm clock this morning, I finally rolled out of bed and onto my mat. It was a little rough getting started, so I took a few minutes to really enjoy tadasana before working through the shorter 45min sequence in Swenson. It wasn’t a particularly enlightening practice (save for the sad realization of just how far I’ve drifted from the end of May), but it felt great to get back on the mat and rock it. One thing I did notice was that my teacher voice wasn’t around, which was a beautiful thing. It was just me and my breath.

It’s like the honeymoon for a second marriage. You know the magic won’t stay like this forever, but you can’t help be excited over it anyways. It’s going to be a whole different adventure this time around.