SinS: Day 25 - Casual Sex October?

We’ve rocked the mat for 30 days. We’ve given up meat, dairy, coffee, sugar, soy and who knows what else for 30 days. We’re concluding a sexless 30 days. And we’re still rocking it. But, as this challenge winds down, thoughts of what to do next start to creep up. Instead of abstaining from something I have a complicated relationship with, or recommitting to another month of 5am wakeups for some salutations, I’m proposing a month of intelligent decisions.

That might include salads for breakfast (see here), or returning to one of our past challenges, or deciding on something totally different. Basically the challenge is to make decisions with the “smart brain voice” instead of the “dumb brain voice”. You know the ones. That voice that perks up saying “you know better” or “we should really be doing ____” or “um, dumbass, put. it. down.” Listening to THAT voice a little more. Giving it a little space to be heard for the next 30 days.

However - seeing how we still have a few days before we make the choice for what our next challenge is - feel free to post any suggestions. We’d also love to hear what you think you’d have the hardest time giving up and/or committing to for 30 days.

What does this have to do with Casual Sex October? Nothing really. Just wanted to get you to read all the way through. Sex sells, you know.

SinS: Day 25 - Casual Sex October?

We’ve rocked the mat for 30 days. We’ve given up meat, dairy, coffee, sugar, soy and who knows what else for 30 days. We’re concluding a sexless 30 days. And we’re still rocking it. But, as this challenge winds down, thoughts of what to do next start to creep up. Instead of abstaining from something I have a complicated relationship with, or recommitting to another month of 5am wakeups for some salutations, I’m proposing a month of intelligent decisions.

That might include salads for breakfast (see here), or returning to one of our past challenges, or deciding on something totally different. Basically the challenge is to make decisions with the “smart brain voice” instead of the “dumb brain voice”. You know the ones. That voice that perks up saying “you know better” or “we should really be doing ____” or “um, dumbass, put. it. down.” Listening to THAT voice a little more. Giving it a little space to be heard for the next 30 days.

However - seeing how we still have a few days before we make the choice for what our next challenge is - feel free to post any suggestions. We’d also love to hear what you think you’d have the hardest time giving up and/or committing to for 30 days.

What does this have to do with Casual Sex October? Nothing really. Just wanted to get you to read all the way through. Sex sells, you know.

SinS: Day 23 (otherwise known as one. more. week.)

Back in high school I had this psychology teacher, Dr Brown, who come to think of it shared a LOT of traits with one of my psych profs in Unviersity… but anyways… this guy was far from winning bestest teacher of the year. His lectures were dry, the information he gave us was contradictory (if it made any sense at all), and his tests were complete disasters every. single. time. But - what he did do that was pretty awesome was he’d open every class with recent study or random fact. It kept the class somewhat relevant and at least that part was interesting. I don’t remember much from his classes, but there’s one study that has stuck with me as being remarkably cynical and bitter (fitting, really). It creeps up every now and then, and has really been hanging around throught this challenge.

The theory goes that we get into relationships with people (of any degree and variation) because we want or need something from them and vice versa. I remember sitting in class, hearing this and thinking ‘wow, that’s incredibly sad and bitter.’ But even now, years later, I can’t help but wonder if it’s true. Do we only associate with people we can benefit from being around in some way? Is this a bad thing? And in light of this challenge - can we maybe take some steps to reduce this reliance and needing from other people and share their company just because.

Share your thoughts!

SinS - Day 21

I’ll be honest. This is the first day of this challenge that I’ve really sat down and given it much thought. And whew - I’m 21 days late on that, but nevermind. Better late than never.

In my thinking, I’ve determined that I spent far too much time in the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” lands and not nearly enough time in the “this is it” spaces of life. So here’s what I’m resolving to work on. Rather than looking at relationships of all kinds as potentials for … something, I’m going to start seeing them simply as they are. Taking things day by day, moment by moment. And really, how much more yogic can that get? “Simply be in the present.” Ultimately, it’s a simple task that just requires a whole pile of mental re-training.

Today I spent a few minutes simply sending out some awesome happy vibes to people I think might need it this week. That’s all. Just some rockin’ no-strings-attached virtual hugs. Why? Why not. I don’t need anything in return - and don’t expect anything to come of it. Just sending out some peace and love. Platonic love, that is. Ahem.

Inertia

They say it takes two weeks to break a habit. They also say it takes two weeks to make a habit. Why is that? Why is it the start and end of said habit are so damn tough, yet keeping it rolling is pretty simple?

One tiny word. Inertia. Defined as "the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest." Basically, what's moving wants to stay moving and what's not moving wants to stay put. Overcoming that is the tricky part. Think back to when you were learning to drive standard (or to the one time you tried, made the car cry and gave up). Getting the car to start rolling in first was the hard part - once she was moving, getting her into second was pretty easy.

Habits work the same way. The first day is great - get the key in the ignition and get her started. The next few days might be great, they might not be. The second week - well, this is where the trouble starts. Gears start grinding, excuses are coming in at a mile a minute, and the urge to quit often overrides the motivation to keep pushing forward. This is often the make-it or break-it point in any given program - be it habit forming or habit breaking. This is where inertia kicks in - you have to be stronger than the object (or habit) you're trying to move. If you're not stronger, you at least have to be more determined than it, since inertia is simply the resistance to change. It's habit-stubbornness essentially. And unlike objects, habits are all in our head. They're patterns, samskara (the subconscious impression left behind by each act of volition) if you will, that have developed over time from nothing more than repetition.

So how do you overcome inertia? It takes a lot of conscious effort to make or break a habit. Nothing more. When I quit smoking years ago, it was a simple case of making that decision every time - to smoke or not to smoke. When we did the 30-day yoga challenge, it was the same decision every morning - to get on the mat or wimp out. Every time I made a decision that supported my goals, I was that much closer to changing my samskara.

Read that last paragraph again. The key is conscious effort - every time you do something, you have a choice. You have the power and ability to choose. Not surprisingly, this is what we teach in yoga. To create a space where you feel you have the space, time, and opportunity to make a choice rather than to merely react to the situation at hand. Your habit will keep moving (or not moving) until you (and only you) make the decision, every time, to change it.

SinS: I want you. Until you want me.

I’ve been strangely quiet on this topic thus far. As someone who went through the awkward years surrounded by guys, my mind naturally gravitates towards the gutter. Sex was rarely an off-limits topic in our group, varying between hilarious and too much sharing. But as of late, my mind has been elsewhere, busy finalizing the details of my migration back to K-Dub, and working hard to find a paying job of some sort to support my lavish lifestyle.

Over the course of this job hunt, I have secured several awesome teaching contracts (mosey on over here to check out my growing schedule) and have run into a few interesting opportunities. One of them came in the form of a full-time personal training position at a popular franchise of small gyms. The job sounds great - the gyms are small, owner seems to really understand the business, the client base is pretty solid, etc. Like any normal person, as I started talking more seriously with the owner about the position, the race began to find myself as many teaching contracts and independent clients I could so I could make budget and not have to take the job. Perfectly illogical, n’est pas? But see, just the thought of taking this job makes my insides wring out - something just doesn’t sit right.

In discussing this job offer with my Dad (hell-bent on sticking me into a “real job”), he comments that he has yet to hear a decent reason for me not to take this position, simply a fear of commitment. Oh, if only he knew. But this is where the rationalization begins - what he sees as a fear of commitment, I see as a refusal to settle when I know or think I can keep pushing further. Life’s too short for bad jobs, bad coffee, and bad hugs. So why would I lock myself into a job that gives me the squeaks, when I think I can find something else?

What does this have to do with Sexless in September?

This doesn’t happen just with jobs. I’m like this with everything, particularly relationships to an extent. I want you, until you want me. Then I question your sanity and want to run. Now, I haven’t taken much time to decipher whether this is a fear of commitment, a love of the challenge, or just a byproduct of a wacky childhood (because when in doubt, blame the parents). It does make me wonder, though, to what end? When does the running, searching, interviewing, and exploring stop? When will it feel safe to settle into something - will it ever?

I spent a significant chunk of my life working hard to stay unattached, because as soon as I got comfortable it was inevitable that something or someone was going to swoop in and snatch the floor out from under me. So I’ve become accustomed to this quasi-gypsy lifestyle, going with the flow careful to stay as on my toes as possible, just in case.

I’m not sure there’s a right answer to this - to settle or not to settle, to take the job or keep looking. It all comes down to making a choice you’re ok with and can sleep on. Some of us will be Charlotte’s - constantly looking for the perfect husband ready to settle down at the drop of a hat (or salad fork), and some of us will be Samantha’s - determined to try it all, see it all, and experience it all.

Where do you lie on this scale? Are you happy with it, and how do you strike a balance between getting comfortable and staying stimulated by life?

Sexless, Strong & Skinny in September

Over at Pranalife, we declared ourselves Sexless in September. I’ll admit, part of why we’re doing it is to stir the pot a bit in the yoga community, but there are other reasons, too. Check them out here, and share your thoughts on our challenge. Whether you’re for it or against it, we’d love to hear what you have to say!

In keeping with this theme, I’ve decided to take the time, effort and energy saved by this declaration and to put it to some dedicated use. Here at CookLiftStudy, we’ll be rocking Sexless, Strong and Skinny in September. What does this entail? It’s pretty simple, actually. For the next 30 days, in addition to going sexless, I’ll be comitting to at least 20 minutes of cardio and one other act of Strong & Skinny influence. Along the way I’ll be sharing sweet exercises, cardio tips that’ll kick your ass, delicious recipes and maybe even a few indulgences here and there.

So remember - follow over at Pranalife and keep checking back here, too!

Rock on!