Quote for Thought

“I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” Theodore Rubin

Taking Back My Life

Yesterday I blogged about disconnecting, and today I couldn’t help but contemplate the issue. Last month here at Pranalife HQ, we got up close and personal and mentioned the unmentionable. With our Sexless in September challenge, suddenly our sex-lives (or lack there of) became public domain. We did it voluntarily and deliberately to draw some attention to the topic, to create some chatter, and maybe get people thinking. It was a great challenge, and one I’m glad I participated in. Oddly enough, I think I’ve learned more about bramacharya after ending the challenge, but that actually doesn’t surprise me.

What does surprise me, though, is one of the outcomes of this challenge and maybe just the nature of internet interactions as a whole. People I may have spent time with once or twice, those I barely knew, and some I’ve only really talked to online were suddenly perfectly comfortable with discussing my personal life. It was bizarre. Topics, questions and comments that would likely not be heard of in face-to-face conversation were completely fair game through the security of the internet.

I fully anticipated some discussions regarding the challenge to arise, maybe a debate or two about celibacy vs human nature, perhaps the arguments of monogamy and saving oneself, questions about yogi’s and their take on bramacharya. What I wasn’t really expecting was just how personal it was going to get. And that may be my own naivete, which I fully expect responsibility for, and maybe should have navigated those conversations better. But it brings up an interesting question about cyber-worlds and just how comfortable we are discussing, sharing, and digging into things we wouldn’t dare explore in “real life”. Is it all bad? I don’t think so, but it does need it’s limits like anything else.

I am going to keep blogging, because I think it’s extremely valuable to bring up these sorts of discussions and topics. I also think it’s important that we use the internet as a tool for communication, research (and time wasting), while learning to navigate around it’s absolutely public nature and the (slightly) heightened sense of invincibility and anonymity it gives us.

That being said, my personal life will remain just that, personal. If you need to hear about it, odds are you will. If you want to chat, give me a call, send me an email, or swing by to visit. If you don’t have the guts to ask me in person, chances are, you shouldn’t be asking. Or you just need a little more courage. I promise I don’t bite…. hard.

Fuzz for thought.

On Disconnecting

I’ve been mulling over this topic for a few days now, trying to think of a witty way to present it and an eloquent way to explain it. But the flu has my brain all foggy and my patience running low, so the long and short of it is this; I’m spending far too much time in front of the screen - both computer and phone. My days are wasting away into heaps of internet surfing (some productive, most not) and phone texting. While normally this would be fine, I’m starting to notice some weird negative effects from it. My attention span has gone from mediocre to absolutely awful. My thoughts are primarily in the form of short blurbs that could easily double as facebook statuses, and I am unnaturally connected to people All. The. Time.

While technology is not necessarily a bad thing - it does allow me to stay connected to my Carolina friends, Skype my family in Argentina and check the weather on Pluto - too much is not necessarily a good thing, either.

So for the next few days (or hopefully longer) I’m taking a break from the uber-connectedness I’ve slowly allowed to take over my life. For those of you keeping score, this is another one of those things I’m going to practice moderation with. So I’m not going completely offline, but I am stepping away from the screen(s) for anything above and beyond necessary connectedness.

Namaste, and rock on! Hope to see your able bodies on the mat.

Ahimsa

In honor of our very favorite JP and the grand opening of his new studio Ahimsa in Toronto, todays post is on Ahimsa (or non-harming). I won’t go into much detail about Ahimsa tonight as I want to keep this post light (I’m suffering from a bit of tech-overdose that might result in an Oktoberfest-sized hangover this weekend). We’ve discussed it before in the 30-day challenge and elsewhere, so do a quick search and you can come up with lots of great insight into ahimsa and what it means.

For today, lets get physical and personal.

1. What is your most ridiculous injury? Just a few days ago, I stepped on a metal cat brush and now have a wicked scratch and blood pattern across the sole of my foot.

2. What is your most memorable/stupid/interesting scar? I have a 7-inch scar running up my left shin from my razor breaking. Didn’t hurt but it bled like crazy and looked pretty gory while it healed up.

3. How do you cope with pain (physical or emotional)? I hold my breath, fidget like an ADHD kid on speed, and swear like a sailor.

Practice a little Ahimsa this weekend, and if you can make it to TO, practice AT Ahimsa this weekend, too!

Rock on!

Today, I listened

I got on my mat to show it some non-teaching love, and while dumb brain was saying “go for the full primary. Nevermind your aching and occasionally swollen wrists. Don’t worry about that wrenching pain in your low-back. Quit being a baby, your ankles are fine.” Smart brain had other thoughts. “Sit in child, then see how you feel. You’re hurting everywhere, take it easy. When was the last time you took savasana? Yeah, thought so. Now lay back, close your eyes and shut up.” Today, I listened. I sat in child for close to 20min, letting my back ease up a little, my wrists relax, and my head to unwind from the tightly coiled knot it’s worked itself into over the last few days.

Today, I also listened to Tool while I was teaching my super awesome (and growing!) gentle class. I was reminded yet again of just how incredible it is that I can call this my job.

What did you listen to today?

Being. A. Grown-up. Sucks.

Got up at the butt-crack of dawn to teach a class, because I’m doing what I love. Renewed my license, only to remember my tags are expiring this month. Olly has to go for stabs at the vet and to hear he’s in perfectly fuzzy health. Naturopath visit to figure out what’s wrong with me (at least as far as she can tell) and what else I’m allergic to, so I can make grocery shopping and daily life even more of a bullet-dodging adventure. Parking ticket, just because. Thanks to some guy yesterday telling me my car “sounds funny… like you’ve got the parking brake on or something” (I drive a 103hp standard - no amount of flooring it will get her to move with the brake on - she struggles as it is with it off) now has me approaching my car like it’s a bomb ready to go off.

Being a grown up is awesome!

Because when you’re a grown up, you get to jump on the bed, only now you’re too tall so you smash your head on the ceiling. And you can stay up as late as you want, mostly because your brain’s still mulling over that to-do list that is a billion miles long, and you have to get up before the birds even hit their second cycle of REM sleep. And you can eat all the junk food and cookies you want - except that now you’re gluten intolerant, so it’s organic-gluten-free-sugar-free packing material crap sold for five times the price. And you can finally get that butterfly/barbed wire arm band tattoo you’ve always wanted, but your employer would frown upon it, your parents will probably still disown you, and good luck getting another job if that thing is even risking the slightest chance of showing. And you can dye your hair any color you want, but same rules apply here. Ditto for piercings. You can drive, but have to pay for gas, insurance, maintenance, parking, and the therapy to cure the anxiety that hits everytime your car makes so much as an imaginary squeak that doesn’t sound right. And you can have all the pets in the world, kittens, puppies, heck, a giraffe if you want. But remember - food, litter, walks, nail clipping, toys, vet bills, eucaliptus tree importing for that giraffe, and vacuuming - oh the vacuuming. And you can drink, too. All night long with your friends and do whatever you want, just remember that class at butt-crack-of-dawn-o’clock tomorrow because you’re following your dreams. And if you’re not, it’s cubicle nation or retail hades at butt-crack-of-dawn-o’clock instead. But you can stay home from work if you want. Just remember, that means you don’t get paid, so good luck with the car, vet, phone, insurance, dental, doctor and everything-else bills.

Being a grown up is awesome.

Now, that being said, there’s nothing to say we can’t still have a little fun. (And I use the term ‘we’ very loosely here, there’s a good chance I’ll never make it to a full-fledged “grown up,” it’s just not in the genes). So here’s my challenge for you today: unplug EVERYTHING that connects you to your adult world. Turn. It. Off. For ten minutes. Just 10. You can do it. This includes your blackberry and it’s blackberry, your laptop, desktop, pager, cell phone, work phone, iphone, ipad, ipod, tv, radio, whatever. Now, take those 10 minutes and go do something just for you. Go! I’ll wait. Then when you come back, share what you did.

Good things come to those who wait...

…awesome things come to those who make it happen!

A friend of mine asked me in passing yesterday, “don’t good things come to those who wait,” and I couldn’t help but answer honestly. I don’t know. I don’t wait. I make it happen, I give up, or I move on.

Lately, however, I’ve been doing some waiting of my own. Not because I’m suddenly all peace, love and patience, but because I’ve been ‘forced’ to do so. I’ve planted some seeds on a few different things, and now I really have no choice but to let the universe do it’s thing and see what happens. And it’s frustrating me to no end. In the meantime, however, I’ve been keeping busy, making other things - awesome things happen.

So far, some of my seedlings are growing and looking promising, others have literally disappeared, and then there are some in between looking like they could go either way. I’m choosing to take the good, and chalk the losses up to a lesson learned.

While I battle it out between waiting (not so) patiently and making things happen, discuss: do you think it’s better to be the early bird who gets the worm or the second mouse that gets the cheese?

Pimpin' ain't easy

I got stood up for my second job interview in two weeks today. It wasn’t a teaching job, but one I’d applied for to fill in the cracks in income and hours in my day. As frustrating as it was to wait around for this lady never to show, I couldn’t help but smile. Just before heading to this interview, I’d heard from two more coaches interested in setting up classes for their teams. When I got home, I had emails from two more.

Since making the decisions I have with my career, relationships, and life in general, I have been putting myself out on the line a whole lot more than I ever have. In return, I’ve heard “no” more often than an untrained puppy, I’ve been let down more than a shampoo model’s shiny hair, and I’ve become quite proficient at picking myself right back up. Yeah, it sucks sometimes. Sure, there are days when I want to sit there in a heap of pouts, but that’s not going to get me anywhere.

As for jobs - as I told a friend today when discussing the possibility of joining one of those big evil corporations - I’m pretty happy whoring myself out, so maybe I won’t be looking for a pimp afterall. I just need to start making ends meet and hoping someone doesn’t keep moving the ends on me.

Mantra

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. -Groucho Marx

For the next 30 days, this will be my mantra.

If you have one that you use, please share!

[Not] Something to be Proud Of

Five years ago, I was convinced that the one thing I’d be most proud of was putting myself through school and getting my degree.

Five years later, I have to say I was wrong. I just hung that damn diploma up on my wall, and I can firmly say it’s not something I’m proud of. The hanging it, maybe, though I’ve been weilding hammers and other tools (of the non-powerd variety, lets not get carried away here) for years now. But the degree, no. At least not right now. Maybe the scars are still a bit too fresh, or maybe I’m doing that thing again where I’m “not giving myself enough credit.” Every time I look at the $25,000 piece of paper in it’s fancy frame, I can’t help but see it as a reminder of the culmination of at least five years of terribly awful decisions.

Did I learn somethign in those 5 years? Plenty. Did it have to do with what’s written on the diploma? Not so much really. I learned a lot about myself, a little about life, and well… maybe a thing or two about those oh-so-awesomely important VO2-Max tests (are these even used outside a lab?!). So was it a waste of time? No. But a waste of money? Debatable.

Truth is, as I stare at this thing - I am tempted to go back to the UW dean/president/whoever and negotiate a do-over. Because I don’t feel I’ve earned the thing. Yeah, I got the grades to meet the minimum requirements - but I could and SHOULD have done so much better! My mom once called University “expensive daycare,” and sometimes I can’t help but agree. A lot of what we do and learn has no practical application or value aside from the mandatory hoop jumping to get this stamp. What for? Because some employer, somewhere, wants those letters after my name.

You know what’s crazy? I have done 120 hours of yoga teacher training with Pranalife. Those 120 hours have done more for me in terms of life and career advancement than the way-too-many-to-count hours of undergrad ever will. And no, that’s not just some shameless Pranalife YTT plug before our November model (though if you’re interested at all, scooch over to the YTT tab and check it out!!).

What’s all this getting at? Good question. As I sit here staring this silly paper down, I’m thinking of changing my attitude towards it. Rather than letting it make me cry every time I see it until the end of time, I’m going to try to see it as a reminder. A reminder to use my smart brain, and to make my own decisions. To make what I do matter, to count for something, and to give it some intention. It’s a reminder to follow my own gut, not what someone else tells me to do. It’s also a big “bite me” to those select few who told me I was taking the easy way out, wasting my time with a “crap” degree, couldn’t do it, didn’t deserve it, and was ‘lucky’ with my classes and grades.

Bring it, life. I’m university-educated now.

FOCtober, my love.

Basking in the glory of the last hour of my first day of 23, I can’t help but think back. It’s been a crazy ride for all 276 months of this journey. Plenty of collisions, slow downs, detours, and unexpected bumps in the road all matched with incredible views, wicked adventures, and a whole lot of growing (more up than out).

22 was a bumpy year. Enough so that I’m tempted to declare it an epic fail of a year. Something’s stopping me from doing that, though. Possibly that “smart brain” voice in the back of my head (stupid know it all brat), telling me it’s been a year of planting seeds, pulling out weeds, and getting things organized for a wicked 23. And oh how I’m hoping SmartBrain is right on this one.

A quick recap of 22 shows

• I got certified to rock the mat
• I lost my Grandpa
• I saw some of the most breath taking sights in Argentina
• I ended a very destructive 5-yr relationship
• I became an aunt
• I spent a lot of time figuring out what being alone means
• I finally finished school and got my degree
• I made a career decision that lets me do what I love
• I bought a car, got my own apartment, and picked out a shower curtain
• I went to England
• I cried. A lot.
• I rocked the mat, went vegan, gave up coffee, sex, and chocolate
• I laughed. More than I have in ages.
• I met some incredible people.

And with that, it’s over. On to the next. Raus.

I have no idea what 23 has in store, but I have to say, I’m excited to put 22 behind me and move forward. With that, I am declaring this month of FOCtober as an “I love me” month. The challenge is simple, to simply do something conciously that I know is good for me every day. To make an effort of ending those “I know I shouldn’t, but…” arguments. As someone has told me a few times this year, ‘give yourself some credit.’

Bring it, 23.