Venting on Vices

A little over a month ago, I made a list of my vices.

Sugar
Smoking
Taken boys
Multiple boys
Mindless eating
Procrastinating
Thinking I don't count

After the last few months of 30-day challenges and plenty of soul searching - here's where I stand with these.

Sugar: My love affair with M&Ms (and all other junk) has come to an end. I am, instead, rekindling my relationship with running shoes.

Smoking: I have been an on and off smoker for years. Yep. True story. And now - no more. EVER. 25 days clean, and its staying that way.

Taken boys: I am DONE being the other girl. Its not good from any side of the coin, no matter how you flip it. Yeah, sure, its fun for a while... maybe. But eventually, it all ends the same and no one wins. Lesson learned - repeatedly - and again - no more. Its time to bite the bullet and say those awful words I never thought I'd say... I can do better than this.

Multiple boys: I draw a pretty big blank on a lot of things dealing with 'conventional' dating (see above). Part of this is my lack of strict lines between friends and more than friends. This, as I'm sure you can imagine, occasionally leads to trouble. I'm working on it.

Mindless eating: I thought I'd get this one fixed with the Thrive! challenge. Not so much. Instead I managed to take my issues with food and make them infinitely worse. This has since led to even more eating issues that I am currently working through. I'm now thinking that challenges of any sort involving food are NOT a good idea.

Procrastinating: surprise! As for this one - its a work in progress.

Thinking I don't count: This little sucker has been my downfall for... well, as long as I can remember. I've always been some freak exception to the rule. And you know what - enough. I do count. I deserve better than crappy junk food or smoking because I'm in a funk. I'm no different than anyone else I harp on about proper eating and not smoking - so why am I not listening to my own advice? I can do better than taken or multiple boys. I deserve a boy all to myself. And if I can't find one, then I deserve to be happy all by myself. I count and my opinions and actions matter, so its about freaking time I made them worth something.

Namaste.

I believe...

A few more things about me. Nothing too groundbreaking, but just rolling with the honesty theme.

I’m 22 and I sleep with a teddy bear.

His name is Charlie.

I love being alone, but hate being lonely.

I prefer to drive barefoot. With one foot up on the seat, if possible.

I will procrastinate until the end of time, but you can bet your ass if I set my mind on something, I will do it.

A good coffee will work miracles to cheer me up, second only to a good hug.

I really do believe babies are the best way to start people.

I am terrible at saying no. Especially if I have to mean it.

I believe that everything is possible. The impossible just might take longer, and require a little more creativitiy.

I believe that sometimes, you just have to walk away.

Thunderstorms and torrential down-pours don’t happen nearly enough.

I believe when you look good, you feel good.

Mark Twain said it best: “Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

What do you believe?

YogaHappened

Somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30 this morning I was sitting in a wicked modification of cow-face (thanks Lauren!), with my arms in a bind. My back was to the sun, and there was almost a breeze. I was staring off at the trees across the park when I was hit by this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I’m not sure what brought it on, but it hit like a ton of bricks, and I couldn’t help but smile. Here I was, sitting on my mat in the middle of a beautiful park practicing yoga on a weekday morning. I know how I got here, but what did I do to get here.

What I mean - I’m well aware I woke up at 5, got dressed and into my little car, drove the 100km drive up to Waterloo to meet up with whoever showed up this morning. But - how did I get to this point of being able to do just that on a total whim. To look at my schedule, think “yep, I can do it,” and then proceed to do just that. No planning, no discussing, no negotiating. Sound familiar? I’m thinking back to that 30-day challenge of 5am wakeups and 6am salutations.

And I am so grateful to be able to do silly things like this. To have made the sometimes tough decisions to keep my schedule in my own control. To shy- no, to walk intentionally away from a job that will put me in a box. To take the risks of inconsistent pay, frequent moves, less than awesome employers/clients/students, in stride and to make it work regardless. Now, I have had immense help and support to do this, and for that I am eternally grateful.

When I decided not to go to “Doctor school” (for now - in case Dad is reading), I made a deal with myself. I will work my tail off 11 (yes, eleven) months of the year so that I can afford one month off do with as I please. To travel, study, explore, visit, rest, you name it. Now, this may not happen right off the bat, but its a career goal. I do not want to spend my days working so that someday, down the line, I can take time off to enjoy life. I want to spend my days LOVING what I do, so that someday - when ever it just so happens - I can take off and really enjoy life as its happening. I refuse to be a slave to my job, because lets face it - life is way too short.

ahem ::steps off soapbox now:: Namaste!

Just sayin'...

I am moving. Where? I don’t know. Somewhere in the KW area. When? I don’t know. Somewhere in the near future. I have looked at 6 places - some great, some not so much. None of them have screamed “home,” so I am still looking. I have taken rental applications from all of them, because I like having options and frankly don’t know how to say no. But its happening. And its happening on my terms.

Choose to be happy, Lindsay says. Be who you are, Asia says. Well - done and done. Ladies and gents, this is me. Take it or leave it. I don’t mind. The way I see it, I’m running. You are more than welcome to join me - its going to be awesome. If you’d rather not, thats fine - stick to the sidelines.

This diet - vegan or not vegan? Vegetarian maybe? Vegan between the hours of….? Choices, choices! For now - I’m lifting all restrictions and letting things settle into place. I actually gained weight eating vegan (no, not some herculian feat, I know - but still) because I wasn’t eating entirely properly. So for now, I focus on eating well, and sorting out the minutae as I go along.

Turns out the more I’m being pressured to “get a real job,” the more I see just how happy I am doing my own thing. And when that job I want doesn’t exist or isn’t available - well - I’ll create it instead.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. -Eleanor Roosevelt.

Catching Up and Starting Again

The best way I can explain the last 30 days is this:

It felt like I was cramming for an exam, last minute. I had a general idea of what it was all about - whole foods, no animal byproducts, lots of fresh fruits, veg, and nuts, healthy fats, no sugar, no grains - just their “pseudo” cousins - but I had definitely not done all my reading. I went into the exam well unprepared, with a kitchen stocked for a different diet, and not enough recipies tried, tested, and mastered to take me through. I had no experience navigating a restaurant menu with yet another set of restrictions, let alone in a foreign country not exactly known for its ready-available access to fresh produce. To top it off, it was a rough month with several big events and certainly no lack of family stress, leaving me a little distracted to say the least.

Like every exam I’ve crammed for, just before taking the test, I always get this feeling that now I am ready to start studying for it. This challenge was no different. Now that I have completed 30 days, in what is probably not the most elegant of ways, I now feel ready to do it for real. As though this last month was just a preview or trial run. What absolutely ROCKS! is that in this case, unlike every exam I have ever written, I can totally do that. I can go back now and study, learn, play, and figure out how to make it work for me. Figure out how to incorporate all these incredible habits, practices, and tips into my life. While this challenge was definitely challenging, I am truly loving the results that have come from it.

I have been trying to figure out just what my diet will look like now that the challenge is over. I cannot say for absolutel fact what it will be, but it will likely be a hybrid. Mostly vegan (and of course gluten free), with a little bit of fish, some dairy in the form of yogurt, good cheese, and chocolate. There will be coffee, but probably not as much. Eggs will likely make their way back in, but again, in much lower amounts. I am going to keep away from sugar, as it seems to be really working for me. Basically, I will be eating what feels right, while continuing to make concious decisions about everything that lands on my plate.

As for July’s challenge - I’m bringing in a little honesty in an effort to achieve a little happiness and peace. Some of it is started over here, but I may be moving it over this way, to either the main page or my blog here.

July 1: Day 1 - again!

I have made a commitment to start living a little more honestly. To “live my truth” as a good friend said. In order to do this, I have started making lists of “truths” as they surface day to day (you can find the past few days here). Its a bit of an experiment in self-discovery while I try to work through this outer layer of complacent political correctness I seem to have grown since moving to Southern Ontario. I may be Canadian born, but I am also Argentine raised and American trained, and with that comes a healthy dose of brutal honesty I am eager to get back. What better way to start than with myself? So here goes nothing.

• “You reap what you sow, you know” - Mom.
• I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people in the world.
• I WILL be happy.
• You are what you eat. You are what you think, too.
• Bad days are completely optional. Occassionally necessary, but still completely optional.
• Be a dimmer, not a light switch. Damnit. Be a dimmer, not a light switch. Be a dimmer, not a light switch. Be a dimmer, not a light switch. I will get this.
• LIFT. Life is fucking tough. So I lift to stay stronger, run to stay faster, and bend to stay more flexible than anything it can throw my way. Best part: its not just phyiscal, but mental, too!