Day 41

I slept in today - sweet, sweet sleep. Though, as I’ve been reading, this is likely a sign of simply too much stress. This constant need for sleep, waking up tired, crawling into bed every chance I get is simply my body’s little way of saying “enough!”

I got to the mat with no plans, just an intention to salute the sun and see what happens. After 2 salutations, I started thinking, maybe I’ll come back and do this later. I’ve got stuff to do. My NEW negotiator took over, saying “its just 15 minutes to roll through the salutations, lets go.” So we did. Next thing I know, I’m halfway through the standing series, then working my way into Marachyasana D, and before I knew it, I was in tolasana breathing my last couple breaths. I LOVE how this has become such a natural process now. Just breathe, flow, hold, breathe, vinyasa, breathe. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This month brings along a new challenge - the Thrive Diet. I just started the book yesterday, and already I’m intrigued. I mentioned this to some friends, and a hellstorm ensued. Questions, debates, and all sorts of assumptions flowed. Yet no one asked me WHY I was doing it. So here’s my why for doing this challenge.

• Eliminating all of the most common allergens/intolerances from my diet
• Reducing my carbon footprint
• Reduce cravings and dependence on sugar and caffeine
• It’s 30 days. A short adventure at most.
• I have absolutely nothing to lose here. And so much to gain. Experience, knowledge, and another challenge successfully completed.

For those who are against this, I ask you to please do a little reading and a little contemplation. I’m not asking you to change your ways, nor am I saying they’re wrong. No need to get defensive. I’m simply giving this a try. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn a little something from it too.

Namaste!

Day 40! Just a quick one today.

Whew! We made it! A challenge complete, and finished with an amazing practice with the one and only JP.

It was a crazy adventure, full of ups and downs, and I don’t for one second regret any part of it. 4:30-6:00am wake ups and all. I learned so much about myself, this thing we call yoga, and even a little bit more about this crazy world we live in. More on these lessons to come.

Right now, I’m off to read more about this 30-day Thrive Diet, as this will be my next commitment. I am also commiting to another 30 days of yoga. It may not be full-primary every time, but I will meet my mat and salute the sun every day for the next 30. I spent the last month building and learning a new incredible habit, and I am not ready to walk away from it.

Thanks for following! Namaste.

Day 35, 36 and 37

I had this whole post typed up yesterday. A sort of grumpy one, but it ended on a happy note. Aaaandddd the blog ate it. So… I’m taking it as a sign. No one needed to read my pout. Long story short. Shitty practice yesterday morning because my mat decided to betray its “sticky” title and become a skating rink. So after my class I skipped over to Lulu and after talking with the surfer-cool sales guy, I would like to welcome The Mat into my practice. So far, I’m loving it - despite it weighing possibly more than me.

Today was amazing! I went up to Waterloo to practice with Kristina for her last day. It was so great to share a space again, and three of us ended up pretty well in sync for the whole practice, which was kinda cool. Since most of my practices are at home, I really love the odd chances to practice with other people (outside of a class setting). I also took advantage of having mirrors around to reconcile any differences between my imagined alignment and what it actually was. It also gave me a chance to play around with plank and trikonasana - two postures that have eluded me for a while.

Like everyone else it seems, this challenge has really shaken this things up, both in my practice and in life. I’m still feeling like I’m sitting in a big pile of former-self rubble, and right now its dusty, dirty, and messy. But it needed to happen. I’d gotten lost in other people’s expectations of me coupled with my own insecurities. Its all being stripped right back down to the foundation now, getting ready to start over. Turns out there’s a really strong girl there who doesn’t take crap from anyone. She’s back now. So this time, I’m rebuilding with intention, strength and determination.

Namaste!

Day 34 and 35

I’m tempted to call yesterday a bad day, but it really wasn’t. I really think it was just a day I desperately needed off but didn’t have. After 10-days straight of work, clients, classes, schedules and not-enough-time-to-sit-and-read-my-book, I just needed a day that wasn’t run by a clock. So I crammed a mini weekend into my morning instead. This meant I didn’t get to the mat, but I think I needed that more than I did another 5 breaths in navasana. Despite this, I did make it onto my mat late last night. I unrolled it with no expectations, contemplating a meditation on Space. Instead I had a backwards practice to match my day - did a few salutations, worked through some standing series, and played with a couple postures I haven’t done on my own in a while. I spent a lot of time in downdog and dolphin, exploring the nuances yet again. It wasn’t a stellar or enlightening practice, but I loved the freedom to just play on the mat.

Today was totally different. I got to the mat this morning ready to rock. Went through the “full” primary, despite my negotiator threatening a protest after the standing series. I worked through it instead, knowing it was just BS from the weekend creeping up. As I did, I noticed myself stopping frequently to “think” because I couldn’t when I was holding a pose. DUH. Thats the point. To not think, to still the mind, to put all that crap aside and focus on right now. It was such a stupid realization, something that I’ve read, taught, practiced, and yet, today I was discovering it all over again.

I love how this whole challenge has really been a series of waves - intense realization followed by more subtle incorporation into practice, which is then reinforced by more realization. Every day on the mat has brought on something new to learn, practice, question and grow.

—lift—

Hangover Yoga - Day 33

When I lived in NC, one of the rock radio stations had a program on Sunday mornings called “Hangover Cafe,” where they’d play acoustic tracks exclusively. The songs still rocked, but there was always something less intense about them, changing the sound and feel of the music. My practice this morning was a lot like an acoustic version of what I had been doing up until now.

I got to the mat late after a weird night, and made a conscious decision to get rid of any studio editing and just see where it took me today. No rush, no counting, no deciding to do or not to do postures. It was my first time back to the full primary after a couple days of easing off, and I think I fell in love with it all over again. I managed to stay focused through most of it, noticing different alignments and drawing up new questions to take back to Swenson and Maehle.

—Rock on and stay strong!—

Day 32 - Yoga in Fast-forward

Saturdays seem to be my toughest mornings. I repeatedly wake up wanting the full series, time to ease my way through practice, lingering in postures that feel they need it. Yet I’m faced with the reality of an 8am shift and absolutely no possible way to haul my night-owl butt out of bed before 6:30 - sometimes 6 if I’m lucky. So I practice yoga in fast forward. Today I flowed through Swenson’s 30-min short form. I’m glad I did it, but it wasn’t pretty nor pleasant. I never did make it back on the mat last night, and I was greeted with a surprisingly stiff body today. It felt like somene had poured contact cement in my joints. A full primary would have been awesome, but it is what it is, and I’m now more determined than ever to carve out the time for it every other morning of the week. Saturdays will be my 7th day practice - where I deviate from the full series either into a short version or something completely different.

It feels like we’re all starting to really see and feel the benefits of this challenge, but slowly losing the awesome momentum we started with. We’re just shy of a week out - so lets really make these last few days count and show ourselves what we’re made of!

Day 31

My practice today left something to be desired - I ended up doing just a handful of Surya A’s before rolling into savasana. Not sure what was going on, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I then spent my morning in a funk before a friend jokingly told me to “snap out of it” - and it worked. I went on to teach a wicked 90min “hatha” class (ended up being more like a ‘gentle power yoga’). Every time I get to the top of my not-so-sticky-anymore mat to teach now, I say my endless “thank you’s” to this challenge for giving me the confidence to just go with it.

I’m looking forward to getting back on the mat tonight to give the primary another chance. All the posts up today have been awesome inspiration - I love it :-)

Day 30. Yeah. You heard me.

To all you nay-sayers, procrastinators, doubters, negotiators, excuse-makers, and just plain lazy-I-don’t-wanna-do-it-ers… Bring it! Brain - I’m looking at you here. You all tried your best, but I did it anyways!

I woke up smiling, two minutes before my first alarm. My new favorite song came on with my second alarm, and after 20 minutes or so of cleaning out the brain cobwebs, I got out of bed. Texted Kristina, turned on the heater to knock out the chill, unrolled my mat, grabbed a bite of breakfast and coffee and got to the top of my mat. Sharing the same experience Lindsay talked about - there was no negotiation. Yeah, my neck was kinked up pretty bad and my low back was pissed, but much like the notion of fuzzy teeth, the idea of creaky joints all day just wasn’t doing it for me.

I started into my salutations with the same CD I’ve been using for a while - its a “yoga” cd of sounds of the ocean or something of the sort. Its not my usual style, but I found it works better than the usual music I like to bend to when theres so much other activity happening in the house above me. Today, it just wasn’t working, so after my salutations, I switched over to Tool - and rocked my primary. I did a shortened version of the series today, skipping a lot of the lotus and bound postures for the sake of my knees which have been achey lately. I also skipped shoulder and headstand (much to my disappointment - I’m actually quite smitten with them currently) to give my neck a break.

The tooth brushing analogy that started this whole challenge has really stuck with me. Just like brushing my teeth - which ranges anywhere from a quick brush to freshen up to a full on floss, mouthwash, tooth polishing extravaganza - my practice seems to follow a similar flow. Some days, like today, its a short version to get moving, dust off the joints and work out some kinks, and others its a full vinyasa, Swenson channeling, Josh-worshipping fiesta. Regardless, its becoming a non-negotiable part of my day.

The idea came to me today to try a practice without counting breaths - to hold each posture until I was ready to let it go. I have found myself clinging to that 5-breaths guideline as a bit of a crutch and negotiation tool, so I want to try practicing without it, just focusing on being present in the posture and with my breath. Probably won’t happen until Sunday when I have time for a full practice.

Rock on!

Don't think. Day 29.

First off: WOOT! almost at the 30-day mark and still l-o-v-i-n-g it! Actually, I think I’m loving it even more now. I remember starting, feeling like 30 days would take so long and that it was almost scary to be committing to it. It dawned on me today that I have committed to far more negative, destructive habits for YEARS without so much as batting an eye, so why should this 30-days of a totally wicked-awesome practice be so challenging? Ahem, besides the up-with-the-sun part.

“Still the mind” they say. Uh, yeah, sure. My brain is like a sugar-buzzed ADHD kid on speed. On a good day. Its a constant battle through practice, savasana, and just every day really. I find myself constantly thinking, questioning, analyzing, explaining my way days away. It becomes extremely obvious when I’m on the mat, trying to silence those chattering monkeys. It has yet to happen naturally, leaving me in a constant battle between moments of silence and long periods of chatter. Today was no different - I had a great practice in spite of my body being determined to remind me of every pound lifted in last night’s workout. But my mind kept wandering. The more I tried to silence it, the more discouraged I got. Leaving me stuck, again, between frustration and defeat.

It hadn’t occurred to me until I sat down to write this, and as I contemplate four more years of school, that I have spent the last 22 years learning. Teaching my brain to think, question, explain and analyze everything it comes across. It seems a bit ridiculous now to expect to reverse all those years of conditioning in just a few hours and weeks. It’s going to take time to still the mind, just like it took time to coerce my hamstrings into anything resembling a forward fold. Back to the beginning… “practice, practice, all is coming.”

Rock on!

Four weeks - another hump day?

Today was the day that almost broke me. Just two days away from the 30-day mark, and 12 from the 40. I woke up exhausted, and not fully aware of why my alarm was ringing. I got in and out of bed a couple times, but ultimately slept until noon. I’ve been feeling the effects of having no weekend (or any day off, really) for a while now, and this morning was the final straw. Everything has been achey, and I’ve been fighting this almost-sick feeling for a few days now, so I felt no guilt in hiding under the covers with a kitten wrapped around my head for a few extra hours. The 6am practice is AWESOME most days, but on days that it’s not, I need to work out a way to fit it in anyways. There’s no other way to keep this up as a daily practice otherwise.

When I did finally get on the mat, I began negotiations, though I felt stronger than I have in days. I did cheat and only do 3 salutations, but other than that, I worked my way through the series, skipping the lotus postures to spare my knee. As I moved through, my mind raced ahead to pick a new posture to try and sweet talk its way out of although I know full well I enjoy the full series and always feel a bit short skipping important postures. Its a direct reflection on my life really - I’m constantly coming up with excuses for not getting out and having fun when I know it’ll be a blast if I just suck it up and go.

Practice went as usual today, my mind drifting between total focus on breath to anything but. I’ve been getting these strange urges to either throw some punches or hunker down in a protective child’s pose the last few days. Not entirely sure what its about, so I’m just observing with a “hmm, how interesting” approach.

Back to rocking the mat bright and early tomorrow.

Nothing Special - Day 27

Today’s practice wasn’t revolutionary, particularly enlightening, frustrating, or anything. It just was. I did my stuff, skipped a few postures, calmly ignored my negotiator with the ever-dreaded parental “we’ll see” to her constant pleas to skip vinyasas and shorten up the salutations. I ended up doing a full practice, and feel great. I love how this is slowly becoming a conscious but fairly undebated part of my day.

Namaste!

Day 26 At the Studio!

Today was a fantastic day! I was finally able to practice at the Studio with the rest of the group. It was so different to be practicing with mirrors on the wall and other people in the room doing their own thing. Today marks my first mysore practice with others around and it was totally different. Having others around was a little distracting at first, but as I got into it, it actually served as a useful reminder. I was starting to speed through the series, ‘overtaking’ some of the others when I noticed my breaths had gotten short. It was nice to have a sort of reference point of others practicing to keep me aware of my own pace. We were all doing our own variation of the Primary Series, yet somehow three of us ended up almost completely in sync near the end.

I left the studio feeling great! After a great dinner and crappy night to follow, I felt totally refreshed. The sun was shining, and I had a whole day ahead of me to enjoy. I’m back to my own practice tomorrow, and looking forward to seeing if anything changes.

Day 25 - Bleh

Woke up feeling very non-yogic, torn between wanting to break someone’s fingers and jaws to justify their silence and just crawling back under the covers, so a nice long, focused practice would have been great. I got on the mat today with a heavy body and busy mind, knowing I had only a few precious minutes to squeeze in a couple salutations and savasana before running off to work. I stood in Samasthiti for a couple breaths and when I went to get started, I felt so ready to dive straight into the full series I was actually disappointed I didn’t have enough time. Ahem. Still working on the non-attachment thing on so many levels!

Congrats to everyone for making it over the 2-week mark!

UPDATE: Just taught a super-beginners class and totally kicked my stormy funk to the curb. First - I had no idea what we were going to do, and taught way better than when I had every posture, vinyasa and transition written down. Thank you Primary Series! Second - Even more so than when I practice, I had to leave all my own crap at the door, which gave me the option of just leaving it there after class. And Third - I was reminded, yet again, it’s just yoga.

Rock on.

Day 24

So… I left off with the notion of moderation. On Wednesday, I wound up doing my own practice in the morning, followed by a challenging but incredible class right after. I followed it up with another slightly less challenging class in the evening, and then a run. I was already sore going into the evening class, so I was thinking of bailing when it occurred to me that just because it was a challenging class, I didn’t have to push myself to the limit. I went to class with the intention of LISTENING to my body, taking advantage of being sore and tired in a tough class to really force myself to come into modifications or just out of poses entirely. It was a great experience, and really made me focus on my breath (and notice the habit of biting my lip when I’m striving). The run after that sucked! My legs felt heavy, my hips destroyed. Again, I tried (a little less successfully) to practice ahimsa and cut the run short. All in all - a very educational day.

Thursday (Day 23), I woke up to hips that were… tired. My joints were achey from all the work the day before, and even before getting out of bed my mind was hard at work with excuses and how I’d back out of the primary series. It hit me suddenly that this was 30 days of DOING Yoga Challenge, not 30 days of thinking-about-and-sometimes-doing-but-more-often-finding-excuses-not-to-do Yoga Challenge. So I unrolled my mat and plonked my feet at the top. I was going to practice, something, somehow. The first few salutations were heavy and slow, but after that I really got going. I did my Surya B’s in two’s, flowing in and out from Utkatasana. I found it gave me less of a chance to fidget between the cycles, and they flowed so much better! The rest of the practice went well. I skipped a few postures (some Janu’s and Mari’s B & D) in the interest of time and sore knees. When I got to Savasana, I couldn’t get still (and was cold!), so about 6min in I came out of it, sat up, did my breath and was about to close my practice when I got a better idea. I grabbed a blanket off my bed and laid back down, taking a second savasana. More learning.

Bringing us to today. I got up early (or, rather, I didn’t fight my alarm for an hour) and got moving so my joints could warm up and settle down. I find taking 30-40min before starting practice really makes a difference to how it all feels. I suggested to Kristina that we set our intention to really salute the sun today, to see if we could get it to shine. (It Worked!) I stayed with my breath through the salutations, not stopping to fidget at all through five A and Bs. This is a first for me. I did all my B’s through Utkatasana again - and am loving how it keeps me focused. I found I was a lot more connected to my breath, and didn’t lose it nearly as often when I change sides for Warrior A.

Can’t wait to bring out the sun again tomorrow!

Moderation - Day 22

I’m still struggling to get to bed early, so 6am this morning came far too soon. After a false-start on the mat, I came to the top and finally stood in samastiti. I seem to unconsciously flow through the series without ever really standing tall and regrounding, so today I worked on that. I flowed through 5 A and B’s, working out the kinks and aches in my body. I worked through the standing series, it all feels so natural now, linking one movement to the next with a smooth inhale and exhale. I was able to stay focused today, leaving the chattering monkeys to sleep in a few more hours.

Bring it, Bitch, and other zen thoughts.

I’m starting to feel like an addict going through rehab. The process of forming strong, solid, good habits is eerily similar to that of breaking destructive bad habits. We start off so strong, completely determined, then the shiny wears off, and we struggle to keep up. Then we catch a second wind and things are great until one day we get blindsided and stumble again. We keep going through this cylce of going strong and stumbling, each time picking ourselves up and getting a little stronger, a little more determined to keep going.

I’ve spent the last few practices (some better than others) with Asia’s words in my head. Its just the attitude change I needed to confront that nagging little brat that’s constantly trying to hold me back. As soon as I notice her kicking up excuses, I stop, refocus, take a deep, loud ujjayi breath and drown her out. “Bring it, Bitch.” I’m not asking her politely to leave, so she can come back in a couple days/weeks/months and start over. I may be Canadian born, but I am American trained. This is an all-out phyiscal war. I am stronger, faster, and far more bendy than her excuse-making self will ever be.

Question...

As I work my way into week three of this challenge, I find myself occasionally battling the question of commitment vs listening to my body. Today was another day where I woke up (late), and just wasn’t feeling it. I got on my mat and it all felt wrong. My head was all over the place and my body wasn’t moving. I talked myself into doing a short version today as a sort of compromise between my commitment to practice daily and my body’s demand to just not do it today.

I struggled, argued, and debated myself the entire practice. It felt so forced - like I was there because I had to be. Even when I was done, instead of the usual “well, at least I did it, I feel much better now” feeling I get, I was just frustrated. Which makes me wonder - where do we draw the line between the commitment and common sense? Should I have maybe done some salutations, realized it wasn’t happening, and done something else instead? A seated meditation maybe, or some breath work? Should this feeling come up again, I think that’s exactly what I’ll do, leaving the option open to come back to the mat later in the day.

Questions

As I work my way into week three of this challenge, I find myself occasionally battling the question of commitment vs listening to my body. Today was another day where I woke up (late), and just wasn't feeling it. I got on my mat and it all felt wrong. My head was all over the place and my body wasn't moving. I talked myself into doing a short version today as a sort of compromise between my commitment to practice daily and my body's demand to just not do it today.

I struggled, argued, and debated myself the entire practice. It felt so forced - like I was there because I had to be. Even when I was done, instead of the usual "well, at least I did it, I feel much better now" feeling I get, I was just frustrated. Which makes me wonder - where do we draw the line between the commitment and common sense? Should I have maybe done some salutations, realized it wasn't happening, and done something else instead? A seated meditation maybe, or some breath work? Should this feeling come up again, I think that's exactly what I'll do, leaving the option open to come back to the mat later in the day.

Routine?

Woke up, glared at the alarm, got my “goodmorning” texts from the YTT crew. Unrolled my mat, grabbed a quick bite, turned on some music and got to greeting the sun. I worked through the series, my mind skipping in and out of focus before landing in savasana. I didn’t take time to dread any postures, there was no debating the vinyasas, it just flowed. I took extra breaths when needed, and played with headstand. I wondered about what will happen once the end of May approaches and this challenge comes to an end. I’m worried I’ll be losing my reason to roll out of bed and onto my mat, so I’m dreaming up ways to keep myself accountable. I thought about following Rolf Gates’ (Meditations from the Mat) through a year of practice. Or setting up another challenge. We’ll see where it leads.

Namaste!

Routine?

Woke up, glared at the alarm, got my "goodmorning" texts from the YTT crew. Unrolled my mat, grabbed a quick bite, turned on some music and got to greeting the sun. I worked through the series, my mind skipping in and out of focus before landing in savasana. I didn't take time to dread any postures, there was no debating the vinyasas, it just flowed. I took extra breaths when needed, and played with headstand. I wondered about what will happen once the end of May approaches and this challenge comes to an end. I'm worried I'll be losing my reason to roll out of bed and onto my mat, so I'm dreaming up ways to keep myself accountable. I thought about following Rolf Gates' (Meditations from the Mat) through a year of practice. Or setting up another challenge. We'll see where it leads.

Namaste!

Two week hump (day 16)

Woke up to only one alarm today (instead of the usual 3), and felt energized and ready to go. My legs were sore, but it wasn’t slowing me down. I set my intention today to get through all five Surya B’s without stopping to fidget, get water, move things, shuffle around, etc. To stay on my mat, with my breath, and to move. It felt great. My legs were heavy, but the more I moved, the better everything felt.

The elusive “they” say it takes two weeks to make or break a habit. Today I think marks that two-week barrier for me. The full series is starting to feel really comfortable now. It flows, with and without the vinyasas, and I no longer need Swenson to keep me company. My mind is quieter, my breath longer, and my flight is almost there!

Also - I got into headstand today, keeping my knees bent, and was able to hold it for 20 BREATHS with only slight toe taps on the wall to occasionally recenter. It felt unbelievable.

For those coming up on week two - if its anything like mine, it grinds. The intital novelty wears off, and your body starts to get tired. Keep working with it, it gets better, and the rewards are incredible. This is were it becomes a committment.

Two week hump - day 16

Woke up to only one alarm today (instead of the usual 3), and felt energized and ready to go. My legs were sore, but it wasn't slowing me down. I set my intention today to get through all five Surya B's without stopping to fidget, get water, move things, shuffle around, etc. To stay on my mat, with my breath, and to move. It felt great. My legs were heavy, but the more I moved, the better everything felt.

The elusive "they" say it takes two weeks to make or break a habit. Today I think marks that two-week barrier for me. The full series is starting to feel really comfortable now. It flows, with and without the vinyasas, and I no longer need Swenson to keep me company. My mind is quieter, my breath longer, and my flight is almost there!

Also - I got into headstand today, keeping my knees bent, and was able to hold it for 20 BREATHS with only slight toe taps on the wall to occasionally recenter. It felt unbelievable.

Samskaras

Today was no different than usual. Woke up tired, glared at my alarm clock wondering how we got to 6am when not even a blink ago it was 1am. Rolled out my mat, got some water, and got started. Then I realized the ceiling in my new spot was WAY too low for samastiti, unless I were to do it in utkatasana EVERY time (hard ass yoga, anyone?). So I moved my mat, got re-situated, and got started again. I worked my way through Surya A, noticing some aches and general tiredness, but nothing unexpected after the squat workout I did yesterday. I got into Surya B, and this is where my samskara lies strongest in practice.

I took my time with the first one, breathing deliberately, and taking extra breaths as necessary. It felt good. So I did the same for my second, third, fourth, and fifth. That was it! They were over. The part I dread most about getting on the mat are those B salutations. But today, it felt good. Instead of rushing through them and getting frustrated, I slowed it right down and took the time to get to know the sequence better. Paying attention to my transition from chaturanga to updog (still not JP-pretty), reaching my legs back to get my hips moving, taking an extra breath in warrior if I need it.

We talk about samskaras as habitual ignorance. Repeating the same patterns, expecting different results. A lot of mine have come up through this challege, both in and out of practice, and it has been interesting to watch them evolve and slowly slip away. I struggle with the 6am start to my day - I am a night-owl by nature - but knowing I have to get up to meet this challenge every morning has made me more motivated than ever to start shutting down before the sun starts coming up. There are sticky points in my practice that I am learning to accept and get to know - I keep thinking “keep your friends close, your enemies closer.” Those postures that challenge me and get my negotiator chattering are the ones I have been spending more time with (full bridge, I’m looking at you). Even outside this challenge, we all carry samskaras - things we do because we’ve always done them, or things we do because it seems to be the easiest way. Like any addiction (because, it really is just a mild addiction to a mindless habit), the first step is to recognize it and to be conscious of it.

Namaste!

Administrivia - I will continue to post here, and will also be posting at Pranalife. If you want to follow the group, head over there to check it out.

On Samskaras

Today was no different than usual. Woke up tired, glared at my alarm clock wondering how we got to 6am when not even a blink ago it was 1am. Rolled out my mat, got some water, and got started. Then I realized the ceiling in my new spot was WAY too low for samastiti, unless I were to do it in utkatasana EVERY time (hard ass yoga, anyone?). So I moved my mat, got re-situated, and got started again. I worked my way through Surya A, noticing some aches and general tiredness, but nothing unexpected after the squat workout I did yesterday. I got into Surya B, and this is where my samskara lies strongest in practice.

I took my time with the first one, breathing deliberately, and taking extra breaths as necessary. It felt good. So I did the same for my second, third, fourth, and fifth. That was it! They were over. The part I dread most about getting on the mat are those B salutations. But today, it felt good. Instead of rushing through them and getting frustrated, I slowed it right down and took the time to get to know the sequence better. Paying attention to my transition from chaturanga to updog (still not JP-pretty), reaching my legs back to get my hips moving, taking an extra breath in warrior if I need it.

We talk about samskaras as habitual ignorance. Repeating the same patterns, expecting different results. A lot of mine have come up through this challege, both in and out of practice, and it has been interesting to watch them evolve and slowly slip away. I struggle with the 6am start to my day - I am a night-owl by nature - but knowing I have to get up to meet this challenge every morning has made me more motivated than ever to start shutting down before the sun starts coming up. There are sticky points in my practice that I am learning to accept and get to know - I keep thinking “keep your friends close, your enemies closer.” Those postures that challenge me and get my negotiator chattering are the ones I have been spending more time with (full bridge, I’m looking at you). Even outside this challenge, we all carry samskaras - things we do because we’ve always done them, or things we do because it seems to be the easiest way. Like any addiction (because, it really is just a mild addiction to a mindless habit), the first step is to recognize it and to be conscious of it.

Namaste!

Bein' a dimmer... day 14(?)

Just finished another great practice, and another learning experience. I took it gentle today, doing only the 45-minute short version in Swenson with a half-vinyasa flow. My body is SCREAMING for rest, so I’m trying to teach myself moderation. I thought I would feel cheated, or unsatisfied by skipping postures, since I’ve gotten really used to the full series, but instead, I feel really good. I feel like I’m finally starting to listen to my body, instead of just my brain. Sort of like moving with the breath - things just flow better. Knowing that I have this practice to return to EVERY morning, I feel so much freer to play with it, and try new things. I don’t have that guilt of “wasting” the posture by not pushing it to the max, on the contrary, I know the more I explore the posture, the more I will understand it and make peace with it (sleeping yogi - I’m looking at you.)



My Mom passed this on to me yesterday, so I wanted to share. They seem like great words to live by, and great messages to maybe pass along in class…

* People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
* If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
* If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
* If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
* What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
* If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
* The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
* Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
* In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa’s home for children.

Listening

My body is screaming for rest. My neck is sore, ankles are worn out, my hips have been achy for days. I don't feel mentally tired - but physically, I feel like I could sleep for days. As such, getting on my mat today was a no-brainer, but what to do once I got there was a big question mark. At first, I was going to push through, get it done, and force my body to learn to recover. Then I thought - maybe I'll do my salutations, then do a seated meditation and pranayama work. I did my salutations - 5 A and 3 B, they felt alright, but tiiiired. I ended up grabbing Swenson, and working through the 45-min short series. It was exactly what I needed. It moved through almost all the main postures, working through the whole body, without the 3-4 variations of each.

As I sit here now, reflecting, the words of (again) Dr Stu McGill echo in my head, "be a dimmer, not a light switch." Moderation is not my strong point - but keeping up this daily practice is forcing me to face it. Some days, going all out just isn't available, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't even bother at all. It goes back to Satya - truthfullness - accepting that this is where I am today, so this is what I'm going to work with.

On a semi-related note, it has been interesting to notice just how much yoga translates off the mat. The more time I spend practicing yoga ON the mat, the more I notice myself practicing it OFF the mat. I don't think it comes from actually moving through the asanas themselves, but rather from setting aside that time, making the commitment, and living up to it. Its about putting into practice everything we've learned and studied in YTT.

As I said yesterday, I think, these two hours every morning are like having a head start in battle. Its a chance to clear off the battle field, mend the wounded, reload the guns, and reinforce the fort before the enemy is even out of bed.

Notes

Today's practice started off with the words of the wise and wonderful Stu McGill echoing in my head. The most dangerous time for movement at the spine is first thing in the morning. I rolled out of bed late this morning, because 6 am is EARLY, and I'm not a morning person. As I got on my mat, I couldn't help but wish I'd gotten my butt out of bed just 30min earlier, to warm up a little. My practice is always a little stronger if I've been up for a bit first, so I'm going to prioritize this.

Had a good practice today. Thought of skipping a couple postures (marachyasana B and D among them), but ended up going back after A and C to put them in because it didn't feel right. Same with vinyasas. It just feels better when I do them at least periodically through the seated series. I really tried to stay with my breath again today. I'm noticing how short and almost violent my inhales are compared to my exhales.

One week

Today marks one full week - seven days straight - of morning practice.

Getting to the mat this morning was a struggle. I was tired, sore, and cranky. My excuses generator kicked into high gear and started "lets just do the short version, or maybe just some salutations, you do need your rest, maybe that's why you're cranky." Like every other morning this week, I got on my mat. Worked through the salutations (lately my biggest hurdle in practice), and on my last surya B, I made that connection with my breath. It was incredible. I payed special attention to my inhale, which really is short, and just noticed it. I finally used my breath to move me through the series, rather than fighting with it. My whole practice felt so much more graceful and balanced. It just flowed. I was focused, breathing, and relaxed. Things seemed to melt away, and I was just doing. I think I'm finally starting to get it!

Namaste.

::Insert Asanawesomeness title here::

Today was Day 1 of Mysore at Energi - I didn’t realize until later. I’ve been doing my own for a week or so now, and today was the first time in a long time, that I felt like I needed someone else around to help me just get through practice. I’m wondering if I just missed my group of awesome yoga buddies!

The whole practice was a struggle - critic, negotiator, slacker, even the jerk in the back was up this morning and they were all chattering away in my head. I’ve been finding a lot of strange emotional responses to yoga (and lifting) lately. I haven’t given them too much attention, just a “hmm, how interesting” but its starting to become clear just how much all this “being bendy moving your arms and legs around” yoga stuff brings up and makes you deal with your shit.

The first week was great. I felt great, it was exciting, I was reaching my simple (but not easy) goal of getting on the mat every morning. Rah! Then… the shiny wore off. My body got a little more tired. My neck and back sore. My hips are realigning. Its no longer just “novelty morning mysore yoga” - its starting to become part of a routine, part of life. Its a natural response - that second week of making or breaking any habit is usually the biggest hurdle. I know I have to push through it, learn from it, and later on I’ll be able to use it to my advantage. I suppose it comes back to Cope and Stone’s differing views on struggle. Is it necessary? Should we embrace it, endure it, or run from it? I’m thinking we use it.

The stronger I can make my practice now, when all the voices in my head are throwing out reasons for giving up, the stronger it’ll be in the long run, when any number of things will come up. This is where that commitment and dedication comes up. This is where I remind myself WHY I am getting my tired, sore body out of bed before the birds to unroll my mat, again, to practice. I am doing it for me. Because my mind and body need it. Because for TWO hours out of twenty four in a day, I have all the tools necessary to set life aside and just be. We might take it for granted, but thats a pretty powerful thing we all have now.

To anyone doing the yoga challenge: rock the mat! And seriously consider journaling. Its cool to go back, even just a week later, and see where you started. Another great journal is the practice itself - its unbelievable how much change happens in so little time with daily practice.

Namaste!

Habits

So I forgot to blog again yesterday. Seems if I say I'll do it in the evening, or just later in the day, it doesn't happen. Best to do it right after practice so its fresh, and done. The buddy system has been working out really well for me. Its been great to have someone to hold me accountable, and to hold accountable for these mornings. Its not that I don't want to get on my mat (well, usually), its more the climbing out of a warm bed that gets me stuck.

Today was no exception. I was sore from head to toe and cranky from my head running all night. My mind was somewhere else, and meditating on infinity just wasn't sounding so enchanting. As my partner in crime said "Hey now, I've gotta be real. Life isn't always peachy and zen." As I was really struggling today, those words sort of stuck with me. Not every practice will be beautiful, graceful, and effortless. But I can't let a few mind blocks hang me up completely. Yoga is "99% Practice, 1% Theory" - Pattabhi Jois. So today, I practiced. I practiced getting shit OUT of my head and OFF my mat. I can deal with it later, or maybe it really isn't that important, and I won't deal with it at all.

Oh, this yoga thing is so much more than just moving arms and legs around. More on this later.