More steps...

Looks like I've picked up a partner in crime for this challenge. I was a bit hesitant at first, since this now means its not just me working on this, and I'm working on her 6:30am suggestion (?!!). But after rolling my sleepy ass out of bed this morning to get on my mat for 6:30, I can see this being a really good thing. Its not just more of a commitment, its an added element of support and motivation to get going.

I'm really getting the hang of the primary series. I still need to double check the book on a couple things - just in seated series now - but for the most part, I'm working without it. Although I haven't taught in a while, I'm feeling much more confident just getting on the mat and leading a class, knowing that I always have that series to fall back on. The postures are starting to feel more natural, and less contrived and pretzel-y. Even Trikonasana!

Knowing that I'm coming back to the same series every morning gives me a sense of freedom to play around with postures, working on specific little things like my feet, or internal/external rotation, etc to see if I can work into it a little deeper without feeling like I'm "wasting" the posture this time. It'll be there again tomorrow to try out the same if it worked, or something new if it didn't.

In other news: I got into my first full headstand yesterday. It was incredible. A lot of yogis will encourage students to "trust the yoga" and that "yoga works" - well it does. But so does having a kick ass yoga teacher. Someone who believes in teaching it right, and letting it work out, rather than shortcutting to get the posture to look like what it's supposed to with no thought to form or process. So Asia, thanks again!

Meditation on Meditations OFF the Mat

It dawned on me the other day, as I was on my way to the swings, that I have been meditating for years. Not in the traditional sense of a quiet, seated, intentional meditation, but in my own way. I have spent countless hours on a swing set, my wall, or laying on my bed with my head resting out the window watching stars move. As a person who strongly believes in chaos and living a messy life, even I had my limits. When life got too crazy, I'd check out. Walk to the park and hop on a swing, or my wall, or if it was late, I'd just hang my head out the window and watch the universe slowly roll by. I'd let my brain off it's tracks and let it spin freely.

In what is possibly my favorite yogi quote, Rolf Gates says that meditation is like locking yourself in a closet with a lunatic. Well, a lot of the time, my life felt like being locked in a closet with that lunatic, and meditation was like unlocking that door and letting the crazy escape for a little while. I was free to let thoughts come and go, or to space out completely and lose all concept of words and time.

I was never focused on breath, or sitting or laying still, or on tuning out the sights and sounds around me. It all happened naturally. Loud, angry music would be blaring, and I'd barely hear it - save for the base line pounding through me. They were far from your typical quiet, seated meditation, but did they ever work.

It makes me wonder. I can't be the only one to have done this. Most people out there are probably meditating in their own way, too. Runners when they find their pace and are just cruising, sailors when the sails are set just right to the wind, lifters when they hit that groove where its just breathe in, lift, breathe out, repeat. I'm sure we all do it, somehow, somewhere. And yet - why is meditation still so scary and mysterious? Its as though, the instant we put a label on it, formalizing it into something definable, we lose people. You want me to do what? Sit still and just be? Why? Forget it. I have things to do. Kids in soccer, bills to pay, groceries to do.... anything but stay here with my thoughts. I'm too busy.

I'm not sure where this leads to in teaching and coaching meditation, but its a question I've been toying with for some time. So my question to you - do you meditate?

Oops!

Completely forgot to post last night. I've had this Meditations on Meditation / Meditation OFF the Mat idea kicking around in my head that I was going to post on, but, well, forgot. I'll get it up tonight.

Great practice yesterday. I did not do lotus for any postures, as my knees were sore - a little bit of lotus overkill from Monday - oops! I've been adding in more vinyasas, so I'm almost up to a half-vinyasa practice now. I will work into a full soon, if even just to try it for a week or so. I am coming into head stand now - with the help of a wall. Its incredible to think that I can now do this with relative ease, when just a year ago, my legs felt chained to the floor.

Today was another enlightening practice. I came to the top of my mat with quads filled with lead. I figured I'd try to get through some salutations and see where it lead to. My salutations have actually never felt stronger. Worked through the rest of practice, including some unilateral lotus back in, just to keep it up. I'm really starting to enjoy it, and might, someday, reach that point of meditating on infinity ;-). Even postures I struggle with, like full bridge, are now just postures. They're impermanent - flow in, flow out - breathe in, breathe out.

Falling

So I fell off the wagon this weekend. Excuses came up, and I caved. Didn't practice yesterday, though I was not totally yoga free, as I went to a gentle, almost restorative class. But I'm still pissed. I knew it would happen, it always does. Weekends tend to be my weak point, when I don't have that set schedule and routine to keep me on track. Knowing this, I need to get better at working around it and preparing for it.

Had a fantastic practice this morning. I worked through a couple more postures, and did a maybe-quarter vinyasa flow. Started off creaky and stiff, but now that I'm done, I'm pleasantly tired and relaxed. I still feel like I'm grinding through the salutations, but its all part of the process. Have to get over that mental block of thinking I hate them.

Day 5

A frustrating practice, if I can even call it that. Didn't practice this morning, so I didn't get on my mat until late tonight - once my head was full of things to debate, distract, and destroy any hope for peace and focus. I barely made it through some salutations before rolling into savasana. I know there are times to grind through something, to do it and push past the momentum, but today, this was my practice. It is not the 2hr full primary I was hoping for, but that is life. From now on, unless all hell breaks lose, I will be doing my practice in the morning, when my brain is sleepy and docile.

Get back up

Key lesson today: wake up! And I did :-)

Woke up at 6a, so I would have time to practice before heading out for the day. I only really did about an hour, but it felt good. Eased up a lot of my aches and soreness, and shook away the morning groggy.

I also tested out some tricks that caught my eye from Greggor Maele's Ashtanga book, and got deeper into a couple postures.

So far so good!
YTT exam today. Gotta rock the teaching mat too.

Just get on the mat

Turns out, body wanted a full practice. Surya B-style vinyasa's thrown into the standing series and all. And a deep savasana.

Just goes to show, its always worth it to get on the mat and see where it takes you.

Stumbling.

Day Three. Woot. And OW!

So, I've reached that point where my brain's saying "yeah, lets do this!" and my body is going "hold on... OW! Didn't we do this yesterday, and the day before, and the day before and.... what the hell?" Though I should preface. Not only have I taken on this task of full primary every day for at least 30 days - hopefully much, much longer, but I have also taken up regular gym training again, and thrown in some yoga classes to keep things interesting. My body is... exhausted. For the last 4 days I've put in at least 3 hours of vigorous physical activity each day. This just might explain why I've been so tired. It feels good, and I want to keep it up, but like we always teach - I also need to listen to my body.

I know once I get moving and warmed up, I'll feel a lot better. I am not chickening out of my practice, but I am recognizing that I may need to ease up a bit. Today will be a free practice, stepping away from the primary series and just doing what feels right.

Second steps

Today, Captain Critic showed up to practice with me. I'm not talking about my exboyfriend, but instead about that little voice in my head. Ironically, they sound very similar, nevertheless, she was there to remind me it was hard, I was dropping my shoulder in chaturanga, I wasn't getting that flight, whatever. I was almost happy she was there, so I could practice "how interesting" before getting to sivasana where I usually struggle the most.

Did the full series today, I even added in a few vinyasas to work out the kinks and get used to having them in there. I did skip a couple postures, but included quite a few I had skipped yesterday. I'm giving myself to work with the book open, after that I'm hoping to be on my own. The better I know the series, the more confident I'll be as a teacher, and the more able I'll be to take yoga anywhere.

I worked into headstand today. Got my hips over shoulders and feet completely off the ground so my knees were hovering. Then I chickened out. BUT: I think I can totally rock this pose by the end of this if I keep at it. I'm so close!

First steps

I stayed with my breath through nearly the whole practice. Its amazing how different it feels to move with the breath, letting each inhale and exhale dictate the next movement. I still struggle during Surya B to get from forward fold to the floor and more so from updog to warrior A in a single exhale. I just run out of air. I'm working through it, for the whole practice, lengthening the exhale and inhale to allow for more time.

I did notice, however, that my breath is getting significantly longer than what it used to be. Was in a Hatha class today and found myself counting 3 breaths to their 5. It was new, since I'm usually counting 7, 8 or 9 to the Ashtangi's 5.

Didn't make it through the full primary, I ran out of time, but I did go through the whole standing series, and only picked out a few of the seated and finishing to skip. I can't wait to regularly be able to do either the full or half-vinyasa.

Restorative

Yoga today was an adventure. A fairly random chain of events led me to take a restorative yoga class at a new, struggling studio. I was a bit hesitant at first, digging up old excuses of being tired, it being late, you name it. But I did it anyways, and I'm so glad I did! It was a great chance to leap out of my comfort zone, and to just practice without looking for cues I could steal or interesting transitions. I was just there on my mat. I have to be honest though, there were times when my little YTT know-it-all would creep in and have a few words to say about teaching style or postures, etc, but I did my best to keep her distracted.

As a class, it was great. Very mellow, a big change from the typical Ashtanga style. The best way I could describe it would be a short slow-moving posture series followed by a sequence of postured sivasanas.

I will not have a personal practice today, because I put it off all day. I am intentionally not staying up to do it, to learn from it. I now have to hit every day until next week to meet my 6/week goal. I'm hoping this will start to get me into the habit of getting things done NOW, rather than continually leaving them for "later." I'm thinking morning practice might be better, it's such a great way to face the day, too.

A Commitment: Talking the talk AND walking the walk

I am re-instating my old personal blog Cook.Lift.Study. I am doing it publicly to hold myself further accountable, and so I can have friends and family in on it, too.

I am comitting to 30 days of daily personal practice. I will blog about these on the site above.

I will also blog here weekly.

Yoga has already changed so much of my perspective and approach to life, yet I’m starting to feel lost in its momentum, again. Rather than be overwhelmed by it, I intend to channel this energy and direct it to some finite goals. Anyone else up for the challenge?

Walking the Walk

I teach yoga. I preach yoga. I study yoga. I read yoga. I love yoga. I practice yoga. Sometimes. Disconnect.

There was a time, starting about 10 years ago, when I would swim. Ever day after school. Every. Single. Day. No matter what. Then I stopped swimming. I started going to the gym. Every day after school. Every. Single. Day. Rain, shine, sick, tired, essays, exams, homework, didn't matter. I would go. It wasn't a question, there was no debate. It just was. Then I moved, went to university, got a job, found a boyfriend, and made excuses. It felt like the box I'd packed my determination and dedication into got left behind. Also packed in there was my sense of self and a handful of other important things. Up until recently, I'd been feeling lost. I tried blaming my Dad, the school, his job, my boyfriend, my stepmom, depression, the country, you name it. But truth is - none of that blaming fixed it.

Fast forward to last year and I found yoga, and Asia. It was hard, but it felt good. I had made the financial commitment to eight classes, so I showed up. There were days I cried on my way to class, not wanting to go, for no distinguishable reason. I went anyways. It was an hour and fifteen minutes of someone else moving me, telling me what to do and when to breathe. I could shut off. I signed up for two classes the following semester. Then I did YTT1.

I guess I caught the yoga bug, but something was working. I met all these new, incredible people who share the same passions I do, and made some amazing friends. After, well, during YTT1, I had a breakdown, or twelve. Life sucked. I was stressed, exhausted, sick, depressed, you name it. Overbooked and under-slept. I just physically and mentally couldn't. And yet, I wrote and passed the exam, taught my mandatory classes, and got my certification. I taught a few classes here and there, and fell in love. Then I did YTT2.

So here I am. Night after the last 10-hr yoga day. Taught my last required class. And I'm exhausted. But I'm here to make a commitment. Because if I'm going to talk the yoga talk, I need to walk the yoga walk.

I, Suz, will do a daily yoga practice at least 6 days each week for the next 30 days. This does not include classes I take - they will be extras. I will blog about this, daily.

Stay tuned! -lift-