Day 3

Still struggling. Stress (self-induced entirely from procrastination) is oh, so toxic. I fell asleep reciting my mantra, not sure if I made it to 108 or not, but I kept waking up and repeating it, as though I had fallen asleep listening to a track on repeat, waking up intermittently, hearing bits and pieces. It was a restless night, so I will be making a point of getting my 108 in before I lay down for the night.

Day 3 Yoga Challenge

Eat less, exercise more. Repeat.

This is so simple in principle, yet in practice it quickly gets tricky. We are a society plagued with a vast selection of excuses and distractions. It is so easy to put off starting a diet until Monday, or telling yourself you'll hit the gym later. Its too easy to fill up the day with mindless activities ranging from the mundane to the outright harmful. As a trainer, I have heard nearly every excuse in the book in some variety or another. There is always a reason why yesterday's breakfast was a Snickers and why that run never did happen. I myself am guilty of making excuses and procrastination. My diet in particular has become a huge issue, again. This time however, the issue is of a different nature.

As a recovered anorexic, food will always hold a strange place in my life. I have come to accept this. What I am still working on understanding is how to acknowledge my issues and work around them. I do believe that at a time when my life path seemed entirely at the whim of others, and I was constantly around anger and chaos, food became the one thing I was able to control. What I ate or did not eat became something that only I had a say in. Sure, others would tell me to eat more, or question my food choices (9 mini wheats, anyone?) but in truth, that only encouraged me further. As irrational as this sounds, to myself included, I miss that feeling. Being hungry, making those choices, sticking to my decision - ultimately being in control.

I can't help but feel lost inside my head, unable to adhere to even my own wishes and decisions. It is a frustrating feeling, having conflicting voices, both heavily sedated by apathy. Knowing that I shouldn't be snacking between meals, but not really caring either way.

The challenge's similarity with my mantra is not lost on me. I will use this second mantra "eat less, exercise more. repeat" as my strength and external control to solidify my adherence to new eating habits. I will reduce my mindless snacking, replacing it with water or activity, eating proper meals instead.

Day 3 Training Mission:

For the next two days, you're going to eat normally, but count every gram of fiber you consume.

Ah-ha! Another diet-focused mission. I can totally do this one. Unfortunately, I did not read this mission until tonight, so I will do my best to tally up today's fiber count (approx 34g). Thankfully, because I am such a fruit/veg fiend, my fiber intake is fairly high. Including a can of mixed beans in most meals increases the number as well, and not to mention helps stretch out the meat component by providing extra protein. My breakfast shake, alone, contributes about 10g of fiber every morning, along with a whole bunch of other useful nutrients.

Thank you, internets, for your patience with my gloomy posts. I hope to be back to regularly scheduled cheery posting as soon as possible. I am not perfect. There is only now. Live, love, breathe, repeat.