Day 20

Suffering from a bit of overload today, so I'm trying to focus on learning and listening instead of talking. Off to meditate and process shortly, then surrendering to dreams, rest and restoration.

Day 20 Yoga Challenge:

Practice compassion, by letting go of control. Stop. Take a breath. Listen to the other person. Listen a little more carefully. Then either let it go, or communicate your experience, without judgment.

I believe this applies both to those around us and ourselves. Accepting our feelings and emotions as their are and either letting them pass or allowing them to linger without judgement. I think we could all benefit from taking a little more time listening to ourselves and others instead of rushing through life and conversations trying desperately to get to the next big thing.

A simple thought: When was the last time you asked someone "How are you?" and truly wanted to hear the answer? And how many times do you answer honestly when asked?

Day 19

So I'm nearly half-way through my challenge. I must confess, the lack of comments is almost discouraging, but I am starting to realize I didn't sign up for this for anyone else or to see what others had to say. I am doing this for ME. Because I want to reach a goal, try out some new activities, and actually stick with something until the end.

As a rule, I have a hard time expressing myself. I think I'm ultimately just lazy about it. I think my feelings, then forget them before I take the time to say it. By then I just don't remember or care anymore. Its dysfunctional almost. I am realizing now that I need to care about my own thoughts and feelings since they're the foundation for my happiness and success. Lately I have set a few small goals and reached them (doing a pull-up, squatting 135, losing weight, finishing papers early, etc). These tiny accomplishments that in the grand scheme of thing aren't really significant have been slowly nudging me to realize that its time to set some big goals again. I have also come to terms with the idea that its totally human to screw up and start over... who knew?!

I am setting a task for myself to work on, along with the rest of the challenges, with no time limit or deadline. My task is to re-think my priorities and to re-allocate my apathy back to the inconsequentials and away from the essentials.

I have been so rattled lately and it is time to refocus on what really matters now, whatever that may be. Now, back to regularly scheduled programming - with no commentary this time.

Day 19 Yoga Challenge:

Try PMR, a tool for anxiety reduction and PTSD. The idea is to tense and then relax each major muscle group of our body to induce a state of deep relaxation. It helps draw awareness to the whole body in a systematic way.

Day 19 Training Mission:

Head to the market today but don't buy anything. Instead, spend one hour going down the aisles reading labels and finding new healthful foods. Most of the time we hit the food store in a rush and shop out of habit. We miss things that could help us reach single digit nirvana.

LIFT

Day 18

I always seem to leave this posting business to the last minute, when I'm already exhausted and ready for bed. For this, I apologize. Tonight's post will be short and sweet - again.

Day 18 Yoga Challenge:

Incorporate portable yoga practices into your travels.

I will be traveling soon, and will likely be taking some poses with me to practice though I am not sure how well yoga poses will fit into boat life... I guess we'll find out! I have been gravitating towards downward dog and some forward folds, mostly to relieve tension in my neck that seems to build up. These are nice, simple postures that are truly restorative.

Day 18 Training Mission:
Same as yesterday - I have not yet taken those dreaded photos, though I did hop up on the scale again today. I have about 7 or 8 lbs to go.

Trained hard today - metabolic circuits are a far cry from easy. They usually wind up making me nauseous, shaky and exhausted, but are oh so effective at stripping off the fat. Besides, whats a little torture every few months? Tomorrow - yoga and tabata on the bike... maybe a run too!

Sometimes a girl NEEDS a bowl of cereal.

I'm overdue for a recipe post, seeing how this is supposed to be about Cooking as well as all the rest. Made this bread yesterday after a wave of frustration about having to eat gluten free attacked. It didn't necessarily make things all better, but it sure did help. Next, I need to figure out how to make cereal at home. I refuse to pay $8 for the gluten free rabbit pellets that's boxed and labeled as 'cereal' in the grocery store. Because really, sometimes all I need is a bowl of cereal. Maybe with a cup of coffee. Maybe curled up with a good book. Maybe just the cereal, no bowl, no spoon. But... that will have to wait.

Gluten Free Bread (adapted from Shauna at Gluten Free Girl)

I made a half-batch as I was not sure how the recipe would turn out, and there is only one of me, so its plenty! Feel free to double and play around.

1 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 teaspoons sugar
1/2 cup milk
1 egg whites
1 1/2c Flour Mix (I used Bob's Red Mills All-Purpose GF Mix)
1 teaspoons xanthan gum
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 cup butter, or butter substitute
1 eggs, at room temperature

Heat the milk in a small pan until just warm on the inside of your wrist. Sprinkle in sugar and yeast. Set aside in a warm place to rise, about 10min.

Beat the egg white until stiff - barely holding soft peaks. An electric beater works best, but don't be afraid to get your shoulders in it!

Whisk the flour, xantham gum and salt together. (Whisking just ensures a more even mix, but if you're lazy, just stir with a spoon. You can sift it all if you're feeling really ambitious, I wasn't this time.)

Slowly add the milk mixture, softened butter and egg to the flour and stir until combined. The dough will be thick, but closer resembling cookie dough or cake batter than bread dough. This is ok.

Fold in the egg whites until just combined. This was tricky, and looked moderately unappetizing, but it works eventually, just be patient.

Grease a small loaf pan (or muffin cups if you want buns instead) and put the dough in the pan, smoothing out the top. Cover with a clean dish towel and let it rise for 1 1/2 - 2hrs.

About half an hour before the dough is done rising, preheat the oven to 375°.

This is what my dough looked like after rising - not like your typical bread dough, but it smelled like it! (Yes, its in the microwave - it was warmest in there)

Before you slide in the loaf, brush an egg wash across the top of the loaf. For this, I just used the yolk I had left over mixed with a little water.

Put a skillet full of ice cubes on the bottom rack of the oven (This makes steam and helps the loaf form a nice crust). Put the bread loaf on the rack above it. Bake for 35min or until the loaf is golden brown and sounds hollow when knocked on with a spoon (it'll be hot, don't use your knuckles!)

Let the loaf rest and cool a bit before you try to remove it from the pan. Enjoy!

I made grilled cheese sandwiches with the first few slices. I couldn't have been happier.

Day 16 & 17

Phew. A streak of grumpy days coupled with a wonky schedule made for bad blogging and even worse adherence to anything. Thanks for putting up with me. We will be back to ponderings and life musings shortly. For today, a quick catch-up post to get me back on track.

Day 16 Yoga Challenge:

Let's take a day to practice an activity or two that we liked or missed before adding anything new. Life is a practice, it is not an outcome. Our yoga tools are a way for us to practice living. There's no rush to move on to the next activity.

So, in essence - today is a day to recover, reflect and reset. Just what I've been feeling I need lately. These challenges and missions have been lots of fun, but I find myself unable to really appreciate them before jumping into the next one to stay on track. What I am learning, however, is to absorb the practices and to set them aside, keeping them handy for days when I may need them. Letting these meditations, thoughts and actions happen naturally and come to be in their own time seems much more peaceful and natural than forcing myself to think, do or believe anything because today is 'the day' to do so.

Day 17 Yoga Challenge:

Are you ready? OK. Disconnect.
Shut of everything for 10 minutes. Really shut off. Don't just avert eye contact with that blinking red light on your blackberry, actually use the "off" button.

Sold! I think we all fall into this trap of being leashed to our phones, email, etc and spend the whole day waiting for something to buzz or beep. There are days when it feels my whole life is dictated by a beep of some sort. Constantly racing against the clock and the schedules and demands of others to get my life done, when really, whats the rush? I think this is what attracted me to yoga in the first place. It was a 90 minute block of time in my mat-bubble. With an instructor telling me when to breathe, what to move where, and even to smile, I was able to disconnect. To focus on the moment, and to take time to actually inhale and exhale with intent. Everything else got to wait until I was done. I take the same approach with training - it is MY time under the bar. Though different, it is still a cathartic sort of experience, releasing energy, thoughts and emotions and simply moving.

Day 16 Training Mission:
Same as Day 15 - I have yet to do this. Will do tomorrow after all meals. Its time to get back on track and to sort out my eating - it has such an impact on the rest of my day.

Day 17 Training Mission:

Your mission is to take three photos of yourself — one from the front, one from the side, and one from the back. No sucking in. Chances are you'll be shocked... and more motivated than ever to make a change.

Oh man. I knew this one was coming up. If I'm feeling brave, I'll get these pictures up tomorrow morning. If not, I may just take them and keep them to myself. There are things the internets just doesn't need to see.

Day 15

Exhausted. I have a post all set up to write in my head, but my eyes just won't stay open tonight. Will fill you in tomorrow. For now, here are the tasks for today:

Day 15 Yoga Challenge:

Spend a few minutes cutting cords throughout your day, especially after an emotional exchange and then again before bedtime....it only takes a few minutes and reaps enormous benefits.

Cutting cords essentially is a mental spring cleaning. Getting rid of the dusty energies and ties that we once needed that are no longer necessary. Removing these attachments makes room for existing ones to breathe and also allows us to form new ones that matter NOW.

Day 15 Training Mission:

After you eat, set your Timex Ironman or a stopwatch to countdown 20 minutes. After the alarm goes off, evaluate your level of satiety. Chances are you'll be fairly satisfied and full. No, you won't be gorged, but remember, you'll be eating again in about three hours.

Ugh. This is definitely something I need to do, and have been failing at lately. The reason for 20 minutes is that the body takes approximately this long to register any satiety, so pausing to let that set in can mean the difference between still feeling hungry (and killing that no snacking ideal) and understanding satiety.

Things might be changing a little around here tomorrow - hopefully I'll get that post up in the morning.

Day 14

Catching up again - I have fallen off track with my blogging, and am hoping to set things right today with a double post.

Day 14 Yoga Challenge:

Count 20 deep breaths. Keep your full awareness on your breath. Every time your mind begins to wander (and it will)....start counting again.

This is to be done at night when trying to sleep. It couldn't come at a more perfect time as I have been wrestling with unrestful and sporadic sleeping lately. There was a period where I was doing something similar, without the counting before bed, and it would almost always work. Simply lying flat in bed - no pillows - and focusing on right NOW. If I feel stressed, figuring out what is causing me to stress NOW - if nothing, let it go. If I am upset, why NOW - if nothing comes up, let it go. It was a great exercise in learning to be present, and to let go of things from the past that were creeping in destroying my sense of peace.

Day 14 Training Mission:
As promised, my measurements:
Hips: 33"
Waist: 27"
Thigh: L: 19" R: 19"
Calf: L:13" R: 13"
Chest: 32"
Shoulders: 36.75"
Upper Arm: L: 10.5" R: 10.5"

As you can see I changed a few of the measurements to best suit what I want to track, and in essence they're all there.

Day 13

Rough day - feeling a little lost and broken. I find myself needing space in both the physical and mental capacity. I need room to stay up late, run a vacuum, and make my own meals. Co-habitation is fun, its so great to wake up next to someone and to go to bed with them, but I still have some SSBs (secret single behaviors) that I need from time to time. I need to make my own noise, and my own silence. I want to drink coffee and stay up way too late cleaning or working on a project without keeping someone else up. I want to live through a bad mood without having to explain it. Sometimes they just appear, and they go away just as fast. I simply need to process.

Day 13 Yoga Challenge:

Let go of unproductive thought patterns. Find a rock, any rock will do. Tell the rock your story. Describe your thought patterns and ruminations in your own words, just let out because it's the last time you'll tell the story. When you want to let go of the story, bury the rock.

I can't help but love this idea, it makes the whole process tangible while affording closure and a concrete resting place for those thoughts. Should they begin to arise again, there will always be a place to send them too - their grave! My poor little rock might need to be a pretty big one to hold all my samskaras (or inner thought patterns), but I'm totally giving this a try tomorrow. Will post a picture of my rock before I riddle it with my issues.

Day 13 Training Mission:

Toss the scale. Get a fabric tape measure and measure these areas:
Around the largest part of your belly/love-handle area
Upper leg (thigh)
Lower leg (calf)
Chest (across nipple line)
Between belly button and nipple line (upper abs area)
Shoulders
Upper arm
Neck

I will be doing this in the morning tomorrow - before breakfast. Its just fair that way ;-). I have been looking forward to doing this mission since I really do think it is the best way to track progress. The scale doesn't necessarily lie, but it certainly does play tricks from day to day. I'll post my measurements tomorrow, along with my rock picture.

Starting to think I should be reading these challenges and missions early in the day so I can actually implement them that day! Whoops. Change of pattern tomorrow perhaps.

Day 12

After having just complained about not doing enough yoga, I took the Boy to a yoga, wine and chocolate night across town. We took the bus there, and since I had forgotten to re-check my directions, we based our direction on some else's rough ideas. Not finding it, I went for directions and we set off to the studio. My general lack of direction was pointed out, and I realized I had three choices in accepting the comment. 1: get angry (not really necessary), 2: agree ("after all I am incompetent, I should know better"), or 3: shrug it off ("yeah, I goofed today - we'll still make it, who cares"). The options were not what surprised me, but actually thinking about having a choice - being able to make the decision of how I want to react - was so novel. It felt good. Like I am regaining control over my actions. All this before I even did the yoga or drank the wine.

It was such a beautiful experiece, to watch people from all walks of life come together to try something that is foreign to so many. The yoga was great, not as intense as the regular classes, but that was to be expected - we weren't there to sweat, it was the promise of chocolate. As for the pairings, wow! We tried 7 wines, only two of which weren't my favorite. This was my first wine tasting, I have usually been of the mind that I don't like wine (wrong - I just don't like some wines), and it was so unusal to try it with chocolate instead of a more traditional cheese or savory food. I think it may give me a different perspective on some wines and their tastes which is kind of neat.

Following the Vine & Vinyassa, we went out for dinner. It was here that I realized I do this yoga for me. I don't care if my friends are going, enjoy it, or approve. I don't need to convince anyone else to go with me so I don't feel dumb or alone. I started it out of curiosity, and have stuck with it because it is MY time on the mat. Its become a sanctuary of sorts, a way to disconnect with everything and yet be so present, with someone cuing my every movement and breath. It is a strange release of control, taking the micromanagement from the brain out of the equation and relinquishing control to the body by trusting it.

I have been taking this practice under the bar as well by focusing on breathing, processing the visual cues (split the floor, push the floor away, etc), and activating every necessary muscle. Using these often overlooked techniques takes the thought away from the weight on your back (it simply becomes 'heavy') and the mental roadblocks created by time, repetitions, or predicted failure. It forces you into what is happening right NOW, nothing else. Not the next set, your last rep, or what is going into your shake after this is done. All that matters is inhaling, pressing through your heels, and squeezing your glutes as you sit back into that squat. Once you're at the bottom, all that matters is getting up - exhaling, splitting the floor and wrapping that bar around your neck. Repeat. It is by doing this that I reached 135lbs on my squat! I did 8 reps on a box-squat. GOAL (get my squat up to a plate (135lbs)): done!!

Day 12 Yoga Challenge:

Today's activity is a 14 minute yoga/meditation focused on the third chakra, tuning into your power and self-worth.

The meditation is linked on the original site, but I have not listened to it yet. I have, however, been focusing on these things on my own as of late. Taking notice of how I actually feel, and realizing that maybe my opinions are worth expressing from time to time. The only way someone can disrespect me is if I let them. My happiness or lack there of is mostly under my own control. Save extenuating circumstances, I believe that I am the one choosing to be unhappy by allowing my environment and circumstance dicatete my life instead of taking control of it myself. This is a big thought, yet it is somewhat relieving at the same time.

Day 12 Training Mission:
Same as yesterday - did my yoga today and also got in quite a bit of walking. Metabolic workout last night plus some box squats (see above) - and whew! was that ever a calorie burning good time. I'm down about 5lbs without much effort - especially not in the kitchen as of late - so I'm getting there slowly but surely. If this training doesn't put a dent in it, I don't know what will.

Day 11

I have to be honest, it has been too long since I have done any intentional yoga. I say intentional in the sense that I am setting aside time and space to sink deep into my practice. I have stepped into the odd down dog here and there to work out some tension and to relax, but that is about all. It is not for lack of wanting to, I just don't seem to make the time in my current disorganized state. I have been drifting lately, adjusting into a new schedule with a new job, classes coming to an end, and a handful of end of term projects coming due in the next week or two. It is time to get my act together and make the most of my time, taking control of my own schedule to make sure this happens.

Day 11 Yoga Challenge:

Just like with happiness and anger, we are each responsible for establishing our own boundaries. And then, the harder part...communicating these boundaries to the universe.

I am notorious for having what you might call flexible boundaries. I have a hard time saying "no" when it may inconvenience another. I find myself often in the position of a doormat, taking the mud off everyone else's shoes so they are free to come and go as they please, while I am hanging out with their excess baggage and troubles. I don't resent this, as I love to make people happy and to see them succeed. I simply wish I were more true to myself in the process. As I have been telling others, you can't make anyone else happy until you are truly happy yourself. Essentially - take care of yourself first, it will set you up to better take care of others as well. Now, I am not exactly great at following this advice I so willingly spew out to others.

I have been learning, slowly, to set boundaries for myself and to enforce them when necessary. Speaking my mind has been a recent development that I am still discovering and beginning to appreciate. What I have learned so far is that people are often more at ease when you tell them "no" honestly, than when you say "yes" simply to please them. That truth is a funny thing. So with this challenge, I will continue to work on setting and expressing boundaries for myself, no one else can do it for me.

Day 11 Training Mission:

For these two days, seek to increase your NEPA (non-exercise physical activity). Look around and be aware of every opportunity to use your muscles more, to simply move more. Make it a habit.

I'm inclined to pass this one off as "pah, I already do this by not driving and therefore walking or biking everywhere" but, lets face it, there is always room for more activity. Taking the time to crank out an extra couple pull-ups every time I walk by the rack, sitting up tall in my chair instead of slouching into the backrest, biking or walking instead of taking the bus to work, and doing some yoga instead of mindlessly clicking around cyberspace! This, I can and will do. Some of these missions and challenges are so obviously helpful, but it is so easy to forget them. This journey has been a great reminder to slow down and focus on a handful of small changes that have the potential to add up to something bigger.

Day 10

Day 10 Yoga Challenge:

Once and for all... LET GO

This is the simplest task so far, yet it is probably the most challenging. I shall do my best.

Day 10 Training Mission:
Same as yesterday - have yet to hit a grocery store, so will post when I do.

Lady Antebellum - I Run

Day 9

Playing catch-up. Working nights derailed my schedule a bit. Back on track starting... Now!

Day 9 Yoga Challenge:

Notice contentment in your life.

Contentment. Nothing more, nothing less. A state of being adequately OK with life, the world, and all other things. To me, contentment sort of equates to being at peace with the current state of being. Accepting things as they are and choosing to look at the positive rather than focus on the negative.

This is the opportunity to reorganize my thought patterns, focusing on what is there instead of what is missing. Being happy with what I have, not what I want. Appreciating and enjoying the easy, simple things. Its time to slow down and look around. Things really aren't so bad, and they can always get worse ;-)

Day 9 Training Mission:

Go to the store. Buy a bag of flash frozen veggies (any kind) or a bag of spinach leaves. Eat the whole bag today over several meals. Do it again tomorrow.

Great idea! I will pick up two bags of veggies on my next grocery run and get this done. I may do this with non-frozen veg instead, but will post about it once I get there.

Day 8

Day 8 Yoga Challenge

Begin with a self exploration of your relationship to fear. Just begin to notice how you naturally react to fear, become more aware of your body and emotions' response to fear.

Fear is an interesting emotion. It motivates, paralyzes, angers, saddens, and overtakes us. It is a difficult emotion to process and understand, as each time it arises, it comes with a new costume. I have spent too much of my life living in fear of something. Fear of letting someone down, fear of failing, fear of being different, not being accepted, fear of being challenged, fear of letting myself down. It is an exhausting existence to say the least. I have come to realize in recent years, that it is also an unnecessary one.

This is not a black and white world. It isn't always all or nothing, pass or fail. There is plenty of room to trip up and make mistakes. To test the waters and then make a decision. By allowing myself this space to grow and learn from these errors, I am opening up a whole new world of experiences that I would have avoided before, out of FEAR of failing. It is a silly thing really, to be too scared to try something simply because I may not get it right. Half the fun is in goofing up and trying again. We don't all hop on a bike and take off - thats what skinned knees and bandaids are for. Yes, the falling and the failing hurts sometimes, but its rarely bad enough to really make the whole experience worth missing.

Day 8 Training Mission
Same as Day 7 - and still doing strong. Did some heavy squats yesterday - 120lbs for 4 and found them surprisingly easy. Unracking the bar and standing with it resting on my shoulders is so deceiving. Any weight feels heavy. The real test is actually getting deep into that squat and discovering that it really isn't so bad. Its time to beat that mental block thats been holding me back... 135 here I come!

layout

--trying out a new layout - bear with me please!

Day 7

Thought for today:

"The only thing that has any currency, the only thing that is worth anything in the world, is your time and how you spend your time."

Yoga Recap:

Day 1: Write an affirmation that is a contract with yourself - done!
Day 2: Begin a mantra for new beginnings and removing obstacles, recite 108 times each day - working on it, but getting better.
Day 3: Eat less, exercise more. Repeat. Write down everything that goes into your mouth. Write one, brief summary of how you would characterize your eating for the day. Build in a minimum of 30 minutes per day of exercise into your schedule for the next 7 days. - Have been recording my food intake, missed one day of exercise, but back on track today.
Day 4: Begin reading a book...purely for joy. - Sorta done. I finished an old book because "I should" and have started one that was given to me. So far I am enjoying it, so I think it counts.
Day 5: Notice your speech patterns. - This will be a work in progress, but my focus is there.
Day 6: Get grounded and connect to your physical body. - Recited my mantra last night in a few poses, and what a difference. Made me feel alive in such a strange way.

Training Recap:
Day 1&2: Rethink your last meal. - Something I've been doing already, but need to get back on track with it regularly.
Day 3&4: For the next two days, you're going to eat normally, but count every gram of fiber you consume. - Done, I passed with flying colors!
Day 4: I will accomplish 3 things each day on my to-do list. - I forgot about this for Day 5, but remembered Day 6 and today.
Day 5&6: Get on the treadmill and crank up the incline. Now walk for 20min. - Done today (10.7 incline, 3.7mph)... whew! Will keep this in my cardio rotation for sure.

So all in all, a work in progress, but I'm happy with where I stand. This list helped put things into a bit of perspective and a nice reminder of all my little tasks. Had a much better day today, feeling a little more grounded and focused. Making lentil cookies for the Boy tomorrow, so I will likely post a bonus recipe too :-).

Day 7 Yoga Challenge:

Write down a list of at least 20 things that you deserve. Be honest with yourself and remember to write the words, "I deserve" at the beginning of each new thought.

1. I deserve to be happy.
2. I deserve to stand up for my beliefs, without infringing on another's right to stand up for theirs.
3. I deserve peace and space.
4. I deserve a 'thank you' every once in a while.
5. I deserve the outcome of my actions; consequences.
6. I deserve a break, a second chance.
7. I deserve bad days just as much as I deserve good ones.
8. I deserve to laugh, cry, be angry and feel nothing when those emotions strike.
9. I deserve quiet.
10. I deserve to make the decisions that will impact MY life.
11. I deserve honesty and respect.
12. I deserve to sleep in on my days off.
13. I deserve to love and to be loved.
14. I deserve a true, volunteered hug. A big one.
    
15. I deserve nothing.

See. That last one is the truth. Most of the other things on my list are things that I could, and probably do have. I just need to work for them. Saying that I "deserve" them feels so selfish and unlike myself. I don't deserve much of anything. I have been so lucky in life, despite all the chaos and rough breaks, I survived and am all the better for it - so who am I to say I deserve any differently.

The only thing I can confidently say is that I deserve to be myself. And that is something only I can make happen. So that is where I will be putting all my efforts.

Day 7 Training Mission:

Go to your fridge or pantry. Pick out a packaged food product that claims to have health benefits now, read the label, including the ingredient list. Is it really healthy?

Great idea! ...except that I already religiously read labels (ah, the gluten free life) and really don't buy into the health claims that land on most of these packages. FYI: companies pay to have that label on their food. So I'm replacing this mission with something different. This one comes from a doctor my Mom found a few weeks back

Cut out all added sugar for the next two days. Also, try to focus on consuming only meals, and to avoid continuous snacking instead.

Ah, my downfalls. My idea here is to focus on reconnecting my eating habits with my ultimate physique goal. By doing this, each meal will become an important step in the process. I am the only one who can bring about these changes I am so eager to see in my body, so it is time to take responsibility and to put in the work.

Day 6

Getting straight to the nitty gritty today. Taking no time for complaints, and then off to read my new book (Mutant Message Down Under) and recite my mantra as many times as possible (maybe in a bound angle pose to try and ease some tension in my neck) before falling asleep or losing count.

Day 6 Yoga Challenge:

Get grounded and connect to your physical body.

I do this best by training, pushing my body to its limits. I find this creates a mind-body connection that is unmatched anywhere else. Under the bar, there can be no distractions. There is no maybe, you either move the bar or it crushes you. Taking this challenge a step beyond simply the training aspect, I would like to get back to a more natural routine of eating and sleeping, following my body's natural cues instead of forcing it into a different schedule.

Day 6 Training Mission:
Todays mission is just a continuation from yesterday. I didn't make it to the gym today, but will get my 20min uphill walk in tomorrow after training my clients. I'm almost looking forward to doing some cardio this week. I'll be pulling a double and also doing my resistance work tomorrow, so I should sleep like a baby. If I'm smart I'll do my lifting before the running.

Tomorrow marks one week of this journey, so I will post an update of how I've been doing on all the different items. Thanks for reading and following along (if anyone is!)

Day 5

Day five. They, the all knowing "they," say it takes two weeks to form or break a habit. I'm five days in and starting to feel that questioning feeling I get with any new goal or change. It looses its magical 'new' feeling, and starts to feel more like work. Thoughts of stopping, changing my plan, making it easier; essentially cheating, start to surface. I will not cave. This is precisely why I am doing this 40 day challenge. To break that nasty habit of wimping out when things get hard.

I trained today for the first time in a week or so, and man did it feel good. Actually, it made me want to puke (FYI: Doritos before a grueling metabolic workout is not a good idea). Regardless, much like finishing a paper or finally getting that laundry folded, its simply done. All the dreading and obstacles are only in my head. It takes 40-60min to work out. I have the equipment In. My. Living Room. There are no excuses.

It seems I missed part of the Day 3 yoga mission and over-simplified things - I like this new found mission better:

In your notebook, write down everything, yes everything that goes into your mouth. Write one, brief summary of how you would characterize your eating for the day. Make time for exercise that burns calories. Build in a minimum of 30 minutes per day to your schedule for the next 7 days. Each night in your notebook, chart out your food/exercise balance for the day.

I will be implementing these starting tomorrow, as I cannot remember everything I ate today. I will be using my school agenda to record my food instead of a notebook to help me keep track of days. For the 30min of exercise, I will not be counting 'transportation' time (riding my bike/walking to work or class) - this exercise needs to be deliberate. And I am not sure I'll be charting my food/exercise balance for the day, but will see how it goes.

Getting back to the regularly scheduled missions/challenges:

Day 5 Yoga Challenge:

Notice your speech patterns. Use words that describe YOUR OWN FEELINGS rather than HOW YOU BELIEVE OTHERS INTERPRET YOU.

This challenge will be an eye-opener. I am very guilty of censoring myself around others, not giving them even a chance to react to my genuine feelings/thoughts/opinions. It is becoming exhausting and damaging on both sides, so this challenge will force me to focus on changing those patterns. I have begun expressing myself more deliberately in the past few weeks, and will continue to do so. It is ridiculous to expect an honest opinion or reaction from someone when I am not being true to myself.

There is a reason I am such a book reader. I am fascinated and captivated by the lives and thoughts of others, so eager to dive straight into the mind of someone else. When it comes to my own mind, I tend to let it drift, paying it little attention. It is time for me to find my own voice again.

Day 5 Training Mission:

Go to the gym. Get on the treadmill and crank up the incline. Now walk for 20min. You have just discovered one of the most effective forms of "cardio" in existence for bodybuilders. You'll be sucking air and sweating, while at the same time hitting your glutes, hamstrings, and calves with a new stimulus.

Oh Shugs. Perfect! I will be doing some cardio tomorrow, and this will be the perfect addition to a tabata session on the bike. (I do mine for 2 8-set cycles, so it lasts for 20min total - Rah!) These uphill walks will also be a nice antidote for the treadmill running I have been doing that neglects the posterior chain - the treadmill pulls you, essentially cutting out your glutes and hamstrings from the running equation. Will report on how awesome this uphill walk feels tomorrow.

A picture as promised, taken last month from my balcony... Welcome to Waterloo.

Day 4

A much better day today. I gave my presentation, and will be writing my essay for it tomorrow. I think I may even get up early to start it before work. Public speaking has never been my strong point, I talk too fast and get all flustered. Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid all occasions of public speaking, so I may as well get some practice and work on improving my skills and calming those nerves.

An update on the challenges:
YOGA: I have been keeping up with the mantra, though I still get sleepy while reciting it. I will try sitting up for it today instead of laying down. I am thinking of maybe incorporating it into a movement series, to help with my counting. Associate different poses to different numbers of repetitions, probably using the sun salutation routine as a base.
Today was a bit of a treat day - I met up with a friend for coffee and went out for sushi. Neither are huge detriments to a steady diet, but there they are anyways. I have kept myself mindful of my eating, opting to avoid those sugary treats we seem to have accumulated so many of, and evaluating my true hunger or thirst. I have paid additional attention to the thoughts that surface as I ponder a mindless snack, evaluating why or if I want it, and if it is really worth caving into a bored craving.
TRAINING: I have had a few shaky days with the before-bed meal, though tonight may hold promise for a clean meal before bed. I have several things to change in my night-time routine, getting myself back to the excellent habits I had worked on a few weeks back. I counted my fiber again tonight (32g), so again well above the recommended 25. Yay!

Day 4 Yoga Challenge

Begin reading a book...purely for joy. Not for a class or your job, not because it seems like something you "should" read...just because it's pleasing to you.

I have a rule about not leaving books unfinished, and not starting a book until the last one has been read. There have been a few exceptions to this rule, especially as a sacrifice for schoolwork, but for the most part, I like to finish what I started. I have a book near completion now, Eckhart Tolle's The Power of NOW, so I will finish off that book before starting my book purely for pleasure. It is an interesting book, and worth the read for some people. It is not, I repeat not, a quick read. It needs to be read in small bites, as an appetizer rather than a full meal. It is for this reason, this book has been holding a bookmark on my nightstand while others have come and gone. While I currently don't have any books to read purely for pleasure, I am hoping to borrow My Sister's Keeper to read before watching the movie.

Day 4 Training Mission:
Today's mission is the same as yesterday's. In its place, I am putting in one of my own missions.

I will accomplish 3 things each day on my to-do list.

These things can range from folding laundry to writing a book review essay. I have got to learn to be more productive with my time and organization. With my current habits, I am cheating myself out of valuable time I could be spending having fun instead of mindless time wasting followed by extreme madness and rushing.

Starting to think I should carry my camera around for part of the day and post some sort of picture of the day. Or perhaps I am making this too much. The odd photo might be nice. I can commit to that. Bring some color back to these walls.

Day 3

Still struggling. Stress (self-induced entirely from procrastination) is oh, so toxic. I fell asleep reciting my mantra, not sure if I made it to 108 or not, but I kept waking up and repeating it, as though I had fallen asleep listening to a track on repeat, waking up intermittently, hearing bits and pieces. It was a restless night, so I will be making a point of getting my 108 in before I lay down for the night.

Day 3 Yoga Challenge

Eat less, exercise more. Repeat.

This is so simple in principle, yet in practice it quickly gets tricky. We are a society plagued with a vast selection of excuses and distractions. It is so easy to put off starting a diet until Monday, or telling yourself you'll hit the gym later. Its too easy to fill up the day with mindless activities ranging from the mundane to the outright harmful. As a trainer, I have heard nearly every excuse in the book in some variety or another. There is always a reason why yesterday's breakfast was a Snickers and why that run never did happen. I myself am guilty of making excuses and procrastination. My diet in particular has become a huge issue, again. This time however, the issue is of a different nature.

As a recovered anorexic, food will always hold a strange place in my life. I have come to accept this. What I am still working on understanding is how to acknowledge my issues and work around them. I do believe that at a time when my life path seemed entirely at the whim of others, and I was constantly around anger and chaos, food became the one thing I was able to control. What I ate or did not eat became something that only I had a say in. Sure, others would tell me to eat more, or question my food choices (9 mini wheats, anyone?) but in truth, that only encouraged me further. As irrational as this sounds, to myself included, I miss that feeling. Being hungry, making those choices, sticking to my decision - ultimately being in control.

I can't help but feel lost inside my head, unable to adhere to even my own wishes and decisions. It is a frustrating feeling, having conflicting voices, both heavily sedated by apathy. Knowing that I shouldn't be snacking between meals, but not really caring either way.

The challenge's similarity with my mantra is not lost on me. I will use this second mantra "eat less, exercise more. repeat" as my strength and external control to solidify my adherence to new eating habits. I will reduce my mindless snacking, replacing it with water or activity, eating proper meals instead.

Day 3 Training Mission:

For the next two days, you're going to eat normally, but count every gram of fiber you consume.

Ah-ha! Another diet-focused mission. I can totally do this one. Unfortunately, I did not read this mission until tonight, so I will do my best to tally up today's fiber count (approx 34g). Thankfully, because I am such a fruit/veg fiend, my fiber intake is fairly high. Including a can of mixed beans in most meals increases the number as well, and not to mention helps stretch out the meat component by providing extra protein. My breakfast shake, alone, contributes about 10g of fiber every morning, along with a whole bunch of other useful nutrients.

Thank you, internets, for your patience with my gloomy posts. I hope to be back to regularly scheduled cheery posting as soon as possible. I am not perfect. There is only now. Live, love, breathe, repeat.

Day 2

Already struggling. The voices in my head are screaming loud today, stuck on a negative track. I am feeling broken. Restless, tired, anxious, achy, and impatient, so today's yoga challenge comes in good time.

Day 2 Yoga Challenge:

1. Begin a mantra for new beginnings and removing obstacles
2. Designate a notebook for your 30-days-it can be a specially designed journal, or a generic notebook. For today, just write your name on the cover.

I am completely new to this idea of formal mantra chanting, however I am no stranger to repetitive thoughts. The challenge is to recite this mantra 108 times each day, with the intention of ingraining new energies and paths in the mind. I am sure, if I were to take the time to record my thoughts, I'd discover several preexisting mantras I have unknowingly created and begun reciting daily. Instead of focusing on those, I am introducing this new mantra that I will consciously and deliberately chant 108 times each day for the next 39 days:

I am not perfect. There is only NOW. Live, love, breathe, repeat.

I considered using an existing mantra, as the challenge suggests, but I have decided instead to write my own. My reasons for this are simple - it feels more authentic to recite and ingrain my own thoughts and words into my mind. It seems more natural. I am using this mantra as a way of reminding myself of those simple things I seem to forget most often. I will recite this at night, before bed as that is my most reliable time. I will also use this mantra to keep away the demons during the day, repeating it as often as necessary.

Day 2 Training Mission:

This mission is the same as yesterday. As I mentioned, I am fairly consistent with my pre-bed meals, however there are days when they don't happen. Today will be one of those days. A late dinner has left me full, so instead of overfeeding for the sake of a "clean pre-bed meal," I will be skipping it. This mission, however, is one that I will continue throughout the challenge, and will post a few of my meals.

Day 1

My own lesson for today is to not focus on or dread what needs to be done this afternoon, tomorrow, next week, etc. but rather to focus on what I am doing NOW. To learn to appreciate the moment, and to be present in it. Tomorrow's events will happen regardless of any dread, anticipation, excitement. This NOW however is fleeting. One blink and its gone.
Since I am coming in late to the game, I have the advantage (or disadvantage) of knowing whats coming over the next few days. One of my challenges in this journey will be to focus on my tasks for the day and let tomorrow's task approach in its own time. These missions and challenges deserve my full attention NOW, and they will each get their turn. Some will build upon others, and I will likely incorporate some into my daily/weekly routine, others may not. Regardless, each one deserves just as much attention and focus as the next.

Day 1 Yoga Challenge:

For today, write an affirmation that is a contract with yourself. Commit to 30-days of wellness, perhaps note a goal, or perhaps keep it open-ended to see what outcomes arise naturally.

I, Suz, am committing to 40 consecutive days of focus, dedication and patience in my journey through these new experiences. I am aware that I may not understand, appreciate, or 'feel like' doing some of these missions or challenges, however, I am committing myself to doing them and to embracing any confusion or reluctance that may surface. I will become a better observer of myself, my emotions, reactions, thoughts, environment, and those around me. I will be patient and fair with myself and those around me, appreciating the learning process rather than simply focusing on the result.
What this means in the long run, I don't know. I am simply taking this chance to open myself up to change and new experiences. I am coming into these challenges with no expectations, simply curiosity. In a way, I am testing my own dedication and patience, using the guidance I have found to coach me along the way.

Day 1 Training Mission:

Rethink the Last Supper
Let's start with the last... the last meal of the day that is. This mission's focus in on your final feeding of the day. Your goal is fourfold:

1) This meal should be calorically small: no more than 300 or 400 calories.

2) It should be low-carb: under 15 grams of carbohydrates.

3) It should contain at least 40 grams of protein.

4) It should be eaten an hour or two before you go to bed.

Thankfully, this is something I tend to adhere to fairly closely already. My only caveats - the 40g of protein Shug's recommends are a bit high for my dietary needs (this was geared towards bodybuilding males for the most part), so I will be going for 30g and around 300cal. Normally, when my night runs together in a mad rush, my last meal is a little closer to bed time than his recommended 1-2hrs, so I will begin to work on that.

Tonight's last meal consisted of:
An omelet (2 eggs, 1/4c frozen veg, 1 mushroom, 1/2c fresh spinach, 30g ham), a handful of fresh cherries and roughly an ounce of mixed nuts. A rough approx on the breakdown is 300cal, 25g protein, 26g fat, 20g carbs. My carb count was a bit high because of the cherries and nuts, so I will be making some changes for tomorrow's meal.

As mentioned, I have been feeling overwhelmed as of late, so there is some hope that having these challenges and goals will help to better ground me in all this internal chaos.

40 Days of Blogging and Life

Alright, so I'm gonna do it. Taking the idea from my awesome yoga instructor, Asia, (find her here) who is doing a 30 day yoga challenge and tweaking it to better suit my needs, I am hereby committing to 40 days of blogging. This will include training, yoga, cooking, studies, and self improvement of one form or another. The last week or so I have begun to feel so disorganized, chaotic and lost. I am overwhelmed, restless and according to the Boy, I haven't stopped sighing - a sure sign of inner distress. So on that note, I am committing myself to 40 days of active change. The reason it is 40 and not 30 days is simply because in 40 days I will be flying off to the BVIs for a week of fun and sailing, so why stop 10 days short?

For these 40 days, I will be following Asia's daily challenges and I will also be doing Chris Shugart's 14 missions in 28 days. As I go along, I will post both the challenge and the mission for each day as well as my experience with it. I will likely add more challenges and missions as I near the end, giving myself room to expand and work on other areas as well.

Why I am doing this, I am not entirely sure, but it feels right. I've been noticing a lack of discipline and interest clouding my days, and I suppose I am hoping to break out of the rut. I am the only one responsible for taking care of Me, so it is only reasonable to expect that I do something about those things I am less than happy with.

Kaizen: 'constant and never-ending improvement' - or as I put it "there is always up"

The journey begins today - July 10th. Feel free to follow along, or to take this idea and make it your own - afterall, thats precisely what I am doing!